JUST JILL

I love to travel! I have been looking forward to retiring and finally having the time to travel. Then the penny dropped … what will I do with my dog? Who will look after my garden? I haven't even mentioned my chickens.

I recently went out with a man I quite liked, very exciting! All in all, it was a wonderful evening. I felt an instant connection. The only caveat is that he told me he was poly about three-quarters of the way into our meal.

This is torture. Every night, the same routine. I lie in bed. I think I'm tired. I just lie there waiting, and nothing. I'm wide awake. I toss and turn. Sometimes, I fall asleep only to wake up again. It's so frustrating.

A friends husband died recently and this got me thinking. I have no idea about our finances. This has been my husband's responsibility our entire marriage. There is so much to think about that I had never considered … bills, credit cards, insurance, mortgage, just to name a few. What do I need to know?

I'm just going to say it - vaginal dryness! I know it is a symptom of menopause, so I'm not worried anything else is happening. However, that does not discount the everyday discomfort, the itchiness, and the painful sex. 

For as long as I can remember, our plans were to retire and travel. Now that we are in this stage of our life, he doesn't want to. All I want to do is to see the world. 

Just to be clear, I do not have an eating disorder. Truthfully I just don’t want the body I was born with. I’m not sure whose body I want. Then I start to feel so guilty because I should love and appreciate my body … but I don’t.

I have a love/ hate relationship with TECHNOLOGY! As an adult, I understand the benefits of technology and the digital world. It has opened up a wealth of positive advancements in the world … I do get it!! At the same time, I find it so overwhelming. 

I haven't changed my diet, and I exercise regularly, yet I have been putting on weight, and it is going directly to my midsection. I don't understand it, and I don't like it.

I have a close friend whose interests and values no longer align with mine. It makes me sad to say this; however, here it is; in my mind, we have nothing in common, she has become toxic, and the bottom line is our friendship brings me no joy. In fact, she adds unneeded stress to my life.

I'm having trouble coping. I feel embarrassed and incompetent, and confused. What has happened to me? I'm retired, so work is not the issue. Family, health, finances, even the unknown … I find it all so overwhelming.

I feel so good in the morning. By evening my middle section has expanded to the point where I can barely keep my pants done up. If I go out to a restaurant it is even worse. The minute I walk out the gas comes and boy does it ever come!

I had always been told that as I got older, my memory would fade … it's part of the normal aging process, right? Is it normal to look high and low for my glasses only to realize they are on top of my head?

Bumble… Tinder… eHarmony… Swipe left, swipe right… what platform to use? What do I say? How do I initiate? How do I respond? Is there online dating etiquette? It's all so overwhelming!

I'm tired of being a peacekeeper, mainly with the men in my life. Between my partner, my grown boys, and my ex-husband, I always seem in the middle, smoothing things and helping everyone get along. I have learned if I don't step in, there will be hell to pay.

I haven’t but my sister-in-law, who insists we don’t need the in-law part because we are family, has terminal cancer. She has asked me to give the eulogy at her funeral. I’m both honored and terrified I will f***k it up.

It's hard to believe at 58, this is happening. This is a friend who I have known since I was 15. We share so much history. At my age, who does this?? This reminds me of high school mean-girl behavior.

Sometimes he falls asleep on the sofa while watching TV. I run upstairs and try to fall asleep before he gets into bed. Most nights I lie in bed listening to him snore away while the irritation and anger builds up within me.

Bottom line, I don’t need to dive head first into the fountain of youth but dipping a toe in I’m okay with. I would just love to not look tired and weathered. I want to look fresh! Something even a good night's sleep and healthy habits cannot solve at this point.

I feel like I have acquired a new talent as I age. I can laugh, cough, sneeze and pee all at the same time. Definitely not the multitasking skill I wanted to add to my list of accomplishments!

All I can think of is will she be younger? Will she be prettier? Will she be funnier? Will my family and friends like her more than me? And when I do meet her will I be able to string a sentence together?