Tina's Husband Won't Travel - Just Jill

Just Jill is the creation of Jill Cohen Morris. Jill is an avid rambler and mother of two from Toronto, Canada with a remarkable zest for life and a fabulous sense of humor.

Dear Just Jill,

My husband and I have been married for more than 30 years. He is everything to me. I love him more than words can say.

For as long as I can remember, our plans were always to retire and travel. We spent countless nights fantasizing about where we would go and what we wanted to see.

Now that we are in this stage of our life, his desire to travel has waned. All I want to do is to see the world. This is supposed to be our golden years, our time.

He has lost the travel bug. I don't even know why. Truthfully I don't even think he knows why. The desire just isn't there. I'm at a loss. I want to experience the world with him, and he wants to stay put with me.

Do any other Sole Sisters experience this with their partners? How are you coping? Any ideas on how to move forward happily?

What's a gal to do?

Sincerely,
Traveling Tina

Sole Sister Advice & Comments

• It may concern the work it takes to plan a trip. Hubby and I are finding it daunting. If true, you could hire a travel planner or take a set tour.
  
  
• It is incredible how daunting booking and planning our trips online can be. My husband says every trip we take takes about 30 hours of research and booking. Then if we are not on tour (and we never take tours), it is another couple of hours every day on the trip.
  
  
• Try easing into traveling with road trips closer to home. If you venture farther, establish a base and explore from there so you're only sometimes on the move.
  
  
• I'm experiencing the same thing with my husband. At first, I was disappointed and cranky about it. But as time passes, I've found he'll do road trips if I plan them. He just doesn't want to travel internationally anymore, and my desire to do so has also lessened lately. But I do have it in mind that if I really want to go somewhere and he doesn't, I will try to recruit a friend to go. It's not quite what I'd always hoped for, as he and I have always been good travel companions. But I won't let his inertia keep me at home. It's the same in our everyday life, where he often stays home all day, but I'm out for coffee or lunch dates, hikes, and day trips with friends.
  
  
• I can relate to everything you wrote. Glad I'm not the only one going through this.
  
  
• This is a common predicament. Glad to hear that it is not keeping you at home. Life is short. I believe in doing what makes you happy in the last 20-30 years of your life - both people in the couple. So if you don't want to do it, you should not, but if you do, you should. Most of us compromise so much in our thirties and forties. Travel without your husband is perfectly okay and good if you are both good with it.
  
  
• This is so interesting. Has anyone read "The Wisdom Of Menopause" by Christiane Northrup, MD? She describes menopause as a time of personal empowerment, being wiser, healthier, and stronger with the craving for change and adventure. Childbearing is no longer part of our drive and cycle because we are no longer grounded to keeping the nest in order. Therefore, there is a new physiological and physical freedom. At the same time this occurs, the exact opposite occurs for men - the drive and purpose of travel and work wanes as they enter their own andropause; with the onset of retirement, they want to stay home and live in the comfort of the nest. It is a dichotomy between the sexes at a crucial time of transformation for both partners.
  
  
• I am having the same experience with my husband of 42 years. He used to love traveling, and we have been fortunate to have traveled extensively for decades. He also used to travel a lot for work. But, now that he's retired, facing several health issues, and then post-covid, his desire to go on long, international trips has waned somewhat, and he is happier and closer to home.
  
  
• I had hoped our travel together would actually ramp up in retirement - and it still might - but it isn't the case at the moment. Like others mentioned above, this hasn't stopped me from venturing off on my own or traveling with a friend, and he encourages this. He still enjoys road trips and domestic travel with shorter flights which is excellent. I am confident we will still have many memorable trips in the future.
  
  
• Funny how everyone is so different. I've been married for 33 years, and we are still working. My husband is so passionate about our business that he thinks vacations are to go to big car meets, lol. I only go if there's a pool or if he is racing.
  
  
• I live in a city of 6 million. With traffic, homelessness, and crime, my vacation is visiting my BFF on a lake in a small town. Quiet, peaceful, relaxing. He gets bored, lol.
  
  
• We each respect that we're okay with this. We are taking a few weekends soon local to Arizona. The connection is deep enough for us to both do our own thing. Take some girlfriends. We are constantly adjusting to what our marriage is feeling.
  
  
• My husband lost his interest in seeing the world several years ago. I made my first trip alone to Cabo a few years ago and met a woman who is now a friend, and I have a couple other friends with whom I've traveled to Europe. Don't let life pass you by just because your husband wants to. I don't know you, but I hope you find a way to live your life as you wish.
  
  
• We recently took a Viking River cruise up the Rhine. We met two women who were married to farmers who didn't want to travel, so they traveled together. Also, Viking is a great way to minimize the hassle of travel. One place to unpack, eat and sleep, but unique places to explore daily.
  
  
• This is such a good question. I have heard many women complain about this and think it is a common situation. Many women want to get out in the world more in the final third of their lives, while many men want to stay home. Given our traditional roles with women at home and men out in the world in their younger lives, it makes sense. This may change as the world does. My husband is a bit of both. I am way more out in the world than he is, but he does travel - not like we used to. Organizing is a lot of work, and that falls on him. However, we are both absolutely okay with me traveling without him. I often travel alone or with friends for up to a month. People sometimes think of us as strange, but it works for us with an extrovert married to an introvert.
  
  
• Have a good talk about it, and then do your own thing. Travel. Find women to travel with - that is one of the reasons I love SSR. It helps me connect with other women for rambles both near and far.
  
  
• If it's okay with him, travel with your kids and friends. And road trips are the bomb! That could be the kind of travel to do with him.

READ MORE > Just Jill, Rambler Cafe Blog

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