Single & Ready - Just Jill, Rambler Cafe Blog, Sole Sister Ramblers

Just Jill is the creation of Jill Cohen Morris. Jill is an avid rambler and mother of two from Toronto, Canada with a remarkable zest for life and a fabulous sense of humor.

Dear Just Jill,

I'm single and ready… but am I really prepared?

I'm ready to date; I have no doubt about that. What I am not so sure about is whether I am prepared to online date in today's world.

Bumble… Tinder… eHarmony… Swipe left, swipe right… what platform to use? What do I say? How do I initiate? How do I respond? Is there online dating etiquette? It's all so overwhelming!

I'm looking for companionship and a relationship, but maybe a fling could be fun. Are there different sites for different needs?

How do I flirt at my age? What does that even look like? More so, how do I flirt online?

What the heck is ghosting and breadcrumbing?

Are any Sole Sisters out there with experience?

What's a gal to do?

Sincerely,

Single Sarah

Sole Sister Advice & Comments.

This August, I will be divorced for twenty years. I was dating up until Covid hit. In the beginning, online dating works well. Specifically, I enjoyed the eHarmony website. I had to answer questions for two and a half hours, but when I read the printout of the ideal guy for me, it was perfect. I met some extraordinary gentlemen through that website. I liked it because it was confidential, and as a hospital administrator, I did not want to be on a public website. This was before the world of Tinder and Bumble. Be careful with what website you choose because many scams are out there. The dating scene has changed in the last few years, and I don't think I would do online dating again. Take it slow unless you want a fling, and that's up to you to decide. My first boyfriend told me it takes "four seasons to get to know someone," and he was absolutely right. Good luck!
My experience over the last 10 years, I have seen many amazing single women and NO quality single men. I've often heard from men that the minute they are single, their female friends/friends, wives, etc., fall over themselves to set them up with great women. That never seems to happen to single women - every time I've asked, people say they don't know good single men! Also, of course, is the fact that many men go straight from one relationship to another, with overlap, having secured their next partner before leaving the last one. So they are never on the market at all. (Ugg.) There must just be a lot of seriously dud men in our generation, resulting in many great women for every halfway decent guy. Based on the couples I know, this is a fair assessment, as none of the guys are as great as the women they are with!
Following this thread. Lol. It's been over a year of being single, and I have no interest in online dating. Most time, I'm not interested in dating either. I had a friend with benefits for a while, but that friend just wanted someone to take care of him, which I'm not interested in. Fun would be fun, but is it really worth it?! I have a lot of gal pals that I do stuff that I want to do with.
I started online dating in the winter of 2009. I had been divorced for 18 months, with 3 kids. It was my father who encouraged me to "get out there." Having never really dated much, I was naïve to the process and quickly picked a scoundrel. That's when I met Eric. He was charming and swept me off my feet. About 2-3 months after we started dating, I got an email from his wife asking me if I knew he was married. I had no idea. It took me a while to date online again, and my asshole radar was better honed. I came across two more married men actively preying on single mothers. Still, I also met a few nice but damaged single men.
Online dating is not a bad thing. Many friendly people are on there trying to find love, but it's important not to go into it blindly. At this stage of our lives, it's crucial to remember that we all have life experience and some baggage to contend with. None of us are as malleable as we were in our 20s, and we are more set in our ways. We know our likes and dislikes at our age. So, trust your instincts and be very selective. If something seems fishy about a guy, it probably is!
I'm single on a small island where it's doubtful to meet anyone. Once years ago, late at night, my cousin set me up on Tinder and explained about swiping this way or that way, depending on if you liked the picture. In the morning, I looked at my phone, and the app had alerts of some kind. Well, I swiped the wrong way, and then somebody was messaging me, so I panicked and deleted the whole thing. That's my only experience with dating apps, a total of 10 hours. I really love my life and being single. I'm busy with my work, animals (farm), and kids. It would be nice to meet someone. Still, after my last relationship, I raised the bar considerably. Since I don't get out much, it will likely take a unicorn of a man walking directly into my house for me to date again.
Having been in the dating pool for some time, having some extraordinary experiences, and meeting incredible men, I assure everyone there are as many beautiful men/women/people out there as ever. Like attracts like, beliefs and mutual energy are everything, and lessons must be learned. When people are ready, open, and free of fear and judgment, the right person appears.
Timing is everything. People behave badly and well. It's all energy. People just need some conscious coaching to clear the path and get really clear. You will only find what you expect if you believe no good men exist. It's simple, really. Beautiful souls on this planet. You just need one. My advice is to be a person you would love to date. Give what you want to get, do your healing work along the way, and let go of all the beliefs that keep you in your patterns. Magic happens when you shift your energy. Dating sites are an avenue, and picking one or two is an energy thing too.