Sophie's Unexplained Midlife Stress - Just Jill, Ramble Cafe Blog

Just Jill is the creation of Jill Cohen Morris. Jill is an avid rambler and mother of two from Toronto, Canada with a remarkable zest for life and a fabulous sense of humor.

Dear Just Jill,

Stress, stress, and more stress!!

I've always had stress, whether at work, raising a family, or life in general. I have always prided myself on how I deal with stress. In fact, some might say I thrive on it.

I was the type of person to meet stress head-on. It never scared me. In fact, I found it exciting.

I would transform into beast mode. I was unstoppable … a model of how to deal with stress. I was the woman other women went to when they were stressed.

The tables have turned, and that person is no longer. The minute something stressful comes my way, anxiety sets in.

I'm having trouble coping. I feel embarrassed and incompetent, and confused. What has happened to me?

I'm retired, so work is not the issue. Family, health, finances, even the unknown … I find it all so overwhelming.

I understand hormone levels play a big part in this; however, that doesn't make me feel any better. Do any other Sole Sisters experience this? What has helped you?

What's a gal to do?

Sincerely,
Stressed Sophie

Sole Sister Advice

I am that person too. I have been told it is burnout. My response is the same as yours, and I also have physical impacts as a result. This week I have been suffering from colitis. It's excruciating and adds to the anxiety. While I cannot confirm it is stress related from a medical perspective, I know it is. I am having therapy to help me develop strategies to process my thoughts and responses. I imagine it is going to be a long process. My heart goes out to you, as I know how debilitating it can be.
Covid has changed everything. I think we have all experienced a level of trauma to some degree. What we have known to be safe changed very quickly.
I agree that the pandemic threw us all a curveball that has shifted our coping mechanisms and that hormone changes also play an important factor.
It's interesting how our coping mechanisms shift over time. Things that we know to be true about ourselves are no longer so. That shakes the foundation under our feet.
I am currently exploring hormone replacement therapy as a possible treatment for my anxiety and stress. I will let you know how that goes. I also think that talking things through with someone you trust is good practice.
A shift in perspective may help. When we slow down, we are free to become more introspective. It can allow us to get to know ourselves in ways we didn't have time for or let in the past. The slowdown through the pandemic caused chaos for those who weren't ready to slow down.
Some amazing methods gently allow reflection and release, leaving space for the new and welcome. Thinking about the release and drain after the gift of a long, snot-nose cry, focused meditation, journaling, doodling, painting, running, sports, etc, can offer the same drain. Think about the energy expended, attempting to keep a bunch of balls underwater. One will always manage to pop to the surface. Instead of shoving it back down, help it to the edge and toss it out of the water. Eventually, there are fewer and fewer balls to hold down, more water to float in, and less energy to expend. You'll also find you're less inclined to hold them down.
Therapeutic/medical support may give one a way to level out the swings while gently exploring all that surfaces.
I'm finally not feeling the working stress. I still feel the stress of the unknown….retired & moved 2 years ago& since COVID, things have not made it easy to connect….also my schedule of part-time there & part-time here, I'm guessing, doesn't allow for great interaction. I spend too much time online since I don't know what to do with my day in BC (here, I have daily baby duty for now). Hoping to meet up with like-minded individuals through this group & get some established routines.
From personal experience, I recommend meditation - I use the Insight Timer app, which has lots of free meditations.
As always, great words of wisdom from all these wise women! I will add my advice to be more conscious of your breathing. It is so easy to take shallow breaths - try taking deeper breaths, especially when driving.
Many people experience anxiety and/or depression after retirement when they have more time. When you are super busy all the time - working, raising kids - you can easily push your feelings aside and power through anything. But this denial always finds a way of catching up with you eventually. And remember, stress is just an interpretation of an event or situation. You can take responsibility and consciously decide what is stressful or not. Learn to see opportunities instead of obstacles to your best-laid plans. Step back and ask yourself what is really happening and how you can respond differently. Meditation, exercise, getting lots of sleep, and talking to a good friend all help, but everyone is different. Take good care of yourself, be patient, and be curious about your life transitions.
I don't know where I'd be without my confidant. A true friend is a medicine for the soul.
Adrenal fatigue can be a major culprit as well. After retiring, I was surprised to find that "little things" related to changing plans, deadlines, or uncertainty, in general, could trigger anxiety. Some stressors had mercifully evaporated, but something "minor" could now become disproportionately stressful.
What helped me most was rambling outside for at least an hour a day & ditching caffeine to ensure consistent deep sleep. Acupuncture and medicinal mushrooms can also help if anxiety seems to be "spiking."
I'm a big fan of HRT, a necessity because of a hysterectomy at 40. I started to ween off at 50, which was a nightmare. Doom and gloom became a daily part of life, and panic attacks and all the "normal" menopause symptoms. Worry without any obvious events became a daily companion. I had to go back to full HRT, and life returned to calm, but constant breast cysts concerned my doctor, and she convinced me to try again. At 57, the change was as awful as it was at 50. I tried everything I could afford to overcome the gloom without success, so my doctor started a trial of medications. After a year of different ones, she has found a working combination. I'm so thankful I have a doctor who listens and makes female mental health as important as physical health. I still have sad days, but they are manageable. When life gets tough, I can once again handle most things. I can listen to my loved ones' struggles and be a better friend without internalizing their emotions. Like everyone in this group, I find peace and excitement in exploring the world around me by walking through it. I enjoy the picture and posts, and stories that everyone shares. Menopause turned me into a frozen and numb woman, and HRT was helpful for so many years. I would have stayed on it forever if I could have.
My psychologist always says we fear the unknown, so dive deeper into that to the end of your fearful four, and sometimes you find it's not so bad in the end.
We have been incredible women who believed in having it all possible. After working for years and juggling raising a family and managing elderly parents, there was a cost. A personal cost. With a great past experience, think about what you want and go for it. It will be challenging, but nothing changes if you don't face it head-on. I'm off to Spain for a month, doing El Camino alone. Go for it.