Waiting Wanda’s Hubby - Dear Sole Sisters

Dear Sole Sisters,

My husband is retired, and his morning routine is driving me crazy!

I’m up, dressed, and ready to start the day by 9:00 a.m. My husband, on the other hand, has a cup of coffee, takes a shower, and then settles in for ANOTHER cup of coffee. By the time his morning festivities are complete and he’s finally ready to face the world, it’s somewhere between 11:00 and noon!

If we make plans to do something together in the so-called morning, I spend hours waiting for him. By the time he’s ready, I’m irritated and no longer want to go anywhere with him!

I know we’re retired and technically have nowhere we need to be, but I still want to get up and enjoy the day. He clearly prefers to ease into it at the speed of a sleepy sloth.

Do any other Sole Sisters have a partner who takes half the day to get moving? Have you found a compromise, or do you simply make your own plans and leave him sipping his coffee?

What’s a gal to do?

Sincerely,
Waiting Around Wanda

• What’s wrong with doing your own thing until noon? Set a time for an activity together which is good for both of you. If he just retired maybe he needs time to rest and just chill in the mornings instead of his old routine. Give him time to adjust.
  
  
• I’m retired, my husband is not yet. I told him he cannot expect me to change my whole routine once he’s retired. We will plan things together and separate. On the together days, there will be timelines.
  
  
• If it doesn’t have to be done in the morning. Why don’t you just plan to do it in the afternoon together?
  
  
  Something important let them know that it has to be done at 9 o’clock or something
  
  If it’s just doing errands and the time doesn’t matter, I don’t see why it’s such a big deal
  
  You wanting him to get up and be ready to go at 9 AM is no different than him wanting you to sleep in and not get ready till 11 AM so he’s probably equally as frustrated with you
  
  
• Do your own thing a couple of mornings a week. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. The opposite will drive you crazy lol. In a similar position.. I make arrangements with family. He does his own thing. And we still have time for eachother and appreciate eachother.
  
  
• Just chill! It’s all about give and take. Do something for yourself in the mornings and do not get wound up by what he wants to do. Life is too short! Both of you should be able to do things alongside each other and together and enjoy your retirement! I used to do all sorts for my husband including a cooked breakfast to encourage him out of bed. He was only retired five years before he died and I am so glad I was kind and tolerant! I am up at six every day now doing what I want!
  
  
• My hubby is the same. And I annoy him by being up early chomping at the bits to get going. However, just as my hormones have changed my habits, they have too for him. And I respect that just as he makes allowances for me. We now have negotiated lie in days for him where I get on with things on my own or with friends and 3 days a week which we do early starts and things together. It works and no frustration
  
  
• Tomorrow is my final day of full time employment and the beginning of my transition into what I want retirement to look like. The number one most important thing for me will be to enjoy my hours as I choose. For almost 40 years, so much of my day was booked by people who needed me in meetings or needed me to provide them information, structure or decisions. So many work decisions that I was often decision depleted. So few hours to enjoy as I wanted.
  
  

  If anyone tries to take from me the luxury to decide how I will now enjoy my time, it would be at risk of breaking the relationship.

  
  Perhaps your husband is more patient than me but similarly wants to enjoy his time as he chooses, not as you want him.

  
  May be good to discuss together what you each want in retirement and enjoy together where it overlaps and individually enjoy where it doesn’t.
  
  
• This is just a thought - would it make sense to talk to him and choose two days a week - or more or fewer - and on those days you plan something together with the caveat that he gets up and is ready to go- and on the remaining days he does what make him feel comfortable. This will require a serious commitment on his part. You would both have to try it out and see how that works. But it does require a sit-down serious conversation where you both have to talk about what and why and how.
  
  
• Everyone is saying pretty much the same thing, but I will add my two cents, because I am an early bird as you are. My husband is too, in fact, he's even earlier, so we've had to compromise: instead of making a plan to do something in the morning, then wait frustratedly while he does his thing, agree on a specific time, with the proviso that if he isn't around and ready to go at that exact time, you will leave without him. It doesn't have to be a battle, so make sure you don't frame it that way, but stand your ground and be firm. I don't see why you should always be the one to cave on morning activities. Plus, you'll find yourself less irritated by his routine (my sympathies by the way). Good luck!
  
• The one thing I love about being retired after 50 years working shifts is not having to rush up in the morning and my leisurely cup of tea and breakfast . Just because he’s retired you don’t have to do everything together . Give him his am space and so your own thing then do something mutually enjoyable in the afternoon . This is why I’m glad I’m single . I don’t have the pressure of someone else’s idea of what my daily schedule should be .
  
  
• Am sure I wrote this! This is me. I am up and about all jobs done by the time he’s finished his lengthy breakfast, games on his phone and noisily walked round the kitchen in his slippers that sound like they are clapping- I have run out of my va va boom and no longer in the mood to go anywhere! I understand fully!
  
  
• You sound like my mum. She’s 80 next year and always up early, walking on the beach and sometimes home by the time my stepdad surfaces. He is in no rush to do anything or go anywhere, she tells him he’s boring.
  
  
• My husband and I are both retired. He's on a similar time schedule as you describe, while I'm an early bird, and I love my mornings. When I wake up, the house is quiet, I read, putter, take a walk, do a workout, errands, or go on a Ramble! We usually do things together in the afternoons. It took time, but it has settled naturally into this rhythm. I think it's about finding a healthy balance of time apart and together that works for both partners.
  
  
  Unfortunately if priorities are different like theirs it’s difficult. I’ve told my mum to just go do what she wants to do without him, or with me or my sister, or a friend. But she gets on at him that he should be doing something, when he really doesn’t want to.
  
  
• Your husband deserves to be able to enjoy his mornings, unrushed, after all those years.
  
  Makes plans with him for the afternoon, do your own thing in the morning - let him finally be able to relax.
  
  

  Come back when you've done your thing and then he'll be ready to hang out after he's been able to enjoy his morning