Seething Susie's Politics - Dear Sole Sisters

Dear Sole Sisters,

Getting together with family and friends — sharing a drink or a meal. Sounds perfect, right?

Well, not so much. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and my friends, but we don't all share the same political views. And this isn't just an occasional issue — it happens every time we're together.

I don't know how to get through a get-together without politics coming up, and where politics goes, arguing follows. These differences have put real strain on my relationships.

I've even started avoiding gatherings with people I truly love, just because I can't handle their views. Most of the time I sit there biting my tongue, when what I really want to do is scream at the top of my lungs!

So tell me, Sole Sisters — how do I get through a conversation with my family and friends without setting off my fight-or-flight response? What's a gal to do?

Sincerely,
Silently Seething Susie

• We have a no politics rule at the table. If someone were to start up, we would remind them in a friendly way.
  
  
• I just got off the phone with my mum. Part of our conversation was about topics to avoid at the Christmas table this year: politics and the Royal Family.
  
  
• Don't talk about politics is a good rule. Understanding where people are coming from and listening without judgment is also a good idea.
  
  

• Dear Silently Seething Susie,

  Oh, sister… pull up a chair, because you are so not alone.

  Let’s start with this:

  Your reaction is human.

  Your exhaustion is valid.

  And your desire for peace doesn’t make you weak — it makes you wise.

  But you asked how to get through these gatherings without your nervous system staging a dramatic exit. Let’s talk strategy.

  Name Your Boundary

  You don’t need a manifesto. You just need one calm, repeatable line:

  “I love being with you, but I’m not talking politics today.”

  Say it with kindness. Say it with consistency. People learn your limits by bumping into them gently.

  Redirect Like a Pro

  When someone starts drifting toward the political cliff, steer the conversation back to safer ground:

  “Before we go there — how’s work been?”

  “Let’s save that for another time. I want to enjoy tonight.”

  “Speaking of that, did you hear…?”

  You’re not shutting them down. You’re choosing connection over conflict.

  Manage the Fight‑or‑Flight

  Your body isn’t betraying you — it’s protecting you. Give it tools:

  • Inhale for 4, exhale for 6

  • Notice 5 things around you

  • Excuse yourself for a refill or a breath of fresh air

  You’re allowed to regulate yourself without apologizing.

  Focus on Shared Ground

  Politics divides.

  Food, memories, pets, hobbies, kids, vacations — those connect.

  You don’t have to agree to enjoy each other. You just have to choose the parts of the relationship that still work.

  Know When to Step Away

  If someone insists on dragging you into the mud, you can simply say:

  “I’m stepping out for a minute — I want to keep this visit positive.”

  That’s not rude. That’s self‑respect.

  Sister to Sister

  You’re not seething because you’re angry.

  You’re seething because you care — about your relationships, your peace, and your sanity.

  And caring is a strength.

  You can love your people without loving their opinions. You can show up without showing up for every argument. And you can protect your peace without burning bridges.
  
  

• You could try saying directly that you care far more about THEM than their political view, and you’d prefer to focus on all the things you’ve had in common that bring you together rather than divide you.

  You might also have to accept that you’ll lose some of these relationships even though you’ve held them dearly in the past. Not every person is meant to be in your life forever, some only stay for a season and that’s okay.

• Be honest with yourself, could your anxiety stem from not being able to back up your beliefs with facts? I find when people have solid facts to back them up they don't shy away from a respectful debate. When their worldview is based on feelings they shut down when confronted with facts they don't like.
  
  
• Let them know that gatherings should be a politics free zone. If they start talking politics, get up and leave. Actions speak louder than words. If questioned, let them know that you don’t want to talk politics at gatherings. Be consistent and they will get the picture. 
  
  

• Sometimes the politics get too much even with people you agree with. I don’t always want to discuss politics so I’ve had to find kind ways to let people know I’m just not interested in that today.

  With people who are on the other side of the fence from me I’ve started saying things like “tell me more” or “help me understand your point”, then listening. Sometimes I learn something, but mostly they run themselves out and if they want to argue (different from constructive debate) they move on to someone else or just give up. You can’t change someone’s mind by arguing facts when they are entrenched in their belief. You can only change your reaction.

  If they start calling you names, bless them with love and move on.

• I think a lot of people are struggling with this right now. Politics has become tied to people’s identities, values, and fears, so conversations can quickly become personal instead of productive. I have told my husband if he brings up politics, we could be talking divorce lol

  It’s okay to say, “ there is enough stress and negativity in the world, when I’m with you guys, I’d rather just enjoy our time together,” and redirect the conversation. “ let’s keep it positive and fun, we need a break from it all”

  If your nervous system is telling you it’s no longer a healthy conversation, listen to it. Boundaries aren’t about rejecting people, healthy boundaries are about about protecting relationships and your own well-being.

  Here is another one …

  “Not every difference has to be resolved for us just to care about each other, can we just do that?”

• Keeping boundaries is huge. In a larger group, it is easy to separate yourself from discussions you don’t wish to be a part of. Small groups and families are more difficult, but recognizing when your boundary is being nudged and resetting your responses makes life easier. Plan your responses ahead of time.
  
  
• This is crazy and does not work but it cracks me up. We we get into a heated argument with family members my mom rapidly turns the light switch off and on and suggests a topic change. She hates conflict.
  
  

• We have a strict rule on both my side of the family and my husband’s side: no politics. It’s always been that way.

  Trust me, we’re only human, and every now and then someone brings up politics. But we gently remind each other why we gathered in the first place—to catch up, laugh, enjoy each other’s company, and create lasting memories.

  I feel fortunate that I don’t really have friends who are deeply invested in politics either. It makes it so much easier to focus on what truly matters: our friendships, shared experiences, and the time we spend together.

  
  
• Be honest with yourself, could your anxiety stem from not being able to back up your beliefs with facts? I find when people have solid facts to back them up they don't shy away from a respectful debate. When their worldview is based on feelings they shut down when confronted with facts they don't like.
  
  
• If they bug you that much, avoid them. If you don't want to avoid them, speak up and say "we have to stop talking about ____ because it really gets my blood boiling." This is impossible in a large group, I think, but doable in small groups. Remember that you ARE judging these people, and people generally don't take well to being judged. I think the real question is this: if it bugs you that much why do you continue to attend? You are clearly annoyed that they don't think like you, and that they have political views you think are wrong, but you have zero control over other people's thoughts and opinions. You DO, however, have total control over how YOU react, so next time try to ignore the stuff you don't like. Take a magazine and tune it out. Scroll your phone. Try to find one person you can have a chat about the weather/garden/bike lanes with. Or speak up and stop biting your tongue (but be prepared for pushback, lol

We look forward to hearing your advice for in the comments!