Ageism Alison - Dear Sole Sisters

The Dear Sole Sisters advice column is a place where women can ask questions anonymously and receive support, wisdom, and advice from women in the Sole Sister Ramblers community.

Dear Sole Sisters,

I think I’m being discriminated against at work because of my age!! 

I’m sixty years old and love my job—or at least I used to. I am not ready for retirement, but I’m starting to think that the powers that be in my workplace might think differently.

I have begun to notice that learning opportunities are being offered to younger employees. I’m being given all the grunt work, and the challenging assignments that used to come my way no longer do. I’m being left out of client meetings.

I feel like I am being slowly put out to pasture. I want to scream, “I’m still here. I’m still great at my job!!”

Then, there have been some disparaging comments and remarks about my age. A few colleagues think it’s okay to joke about my age and retirement plans. 

Do any other Sole Sisters experience this?

What’s a gal to do?

Sincerely,
Anti-Ageism Alison

Sole Sister Advice

• Document, document, document…journal every instance for future reference. Have an honest, non-confrontational conversation with your manager about what you’re noticing and feeling. Are you making your own retirement grumblings or “negative Nellie” comments? If you are, you may be inadvertently contributing… the law of attraction is powerful. Take an honest self-assessment. Where do your skills need improvement? There are many inexpensive ways to improve social media skills and computer skills in general… It’s your responsibility to remain current.
   
• You need to document everything!
  
  
• I’d start by being direct and professional. Ask for more opportunities and education; being overlooked might be unintentional. Speak to your colleagues about their jokes; they probably haven’t reflected on the impact of them. Go from there.
  
  
• Age discrimination is real. Do you have colleagues your age? I'd get their advice. Maybe you can work together to identify a pattern and then strategize the next steps.
  
  
• I worked recently in a very progressive consultancy that was rather ageist while hyper-aware of racial inequities. I used their "woke" language to point out ageist comments and attitudes. I'm not sure if it helped, honestly, because I bailed for a better job, but it made me feel better.
  
  
• This gives me heartburn. Working with other people is hard on so many levels. I have found short-term institutional change to be nearly impossible in my career. Maybe in the long term, kicking up a fuss has an impact on those who come after you, but immediate changes are so challenging. Honestly, I doubt there is much opportunity to change the situation where you are, and that trying to address it is likely to bring you extra pain.
   
• It is terrible to feel undervalued. I would say it's time to job hunt, but age discrimination is a huge factor for that as well. I know several women grappling with this. Perhaps think about getting a side hustle you find fulfilling and keep your eye out for more appealing opportunities.
  
  
• If you can't talk to your manager and have an HR, make sure you let them know what is going on... It sounds like this opens the company to a human rights violation.
   
• In my field (education), there is a lot of talk about valuing older staff, but in reality, we are often expected to do a lot of unpaid training and support for younger / less experienced colleagues instead of managers doing it. Also, there are pay incentives for new/inexperienced colleagues but none to keep older / experienced staff who had virtually no increase in pay (I was paid the same for 22 years, with no increases for inflation). I left a year ago. Lots of shock from senior managers. 8 other colleagues (mostly older / experienced) left the same year. The CEO of our group believed we were earning 25% more than we were. She had no clue!!!
  
  
• Workplaces benefit from a mix of ages and experiences. I’m sorry you are experiencing this. They would miss you if you left. Maybe you should look for an employer who would respect and value you more??
   
• Your situation and these comments are heartbreaking and so real. It’s a big problem. Document, find your champions, be professional, and keep your bar high. Together, we will make progress.
   
• Similar situation for me. The organization talked a great game about 'knowledge transfer as they could see how many were approaching retirement. Six months before I was going to retire, I let them know and offered to work with and mentor new hires. They were very excited, as I had over 35 years with the company. Then, I was no longer invited to any meetings, got dropped from email distribution, was no longer part of hiring decisions, and all my projects were taken away. I spent the next six months having coffee with my old colleagues and planning my retirement. I came in late, took long breaks, and left early. No one noticed. I actually went back a couple of times to see if I could help with some newbies, but in the end, I wasn't even introduced to them. It was hard after being considered a strong employee for over forty-five years. BTW, I worked in HR.
  
  
• Similar to maternity leaves, I’m of the mind that retirement should involve very little notice or risk of being sidelined early.
   
• I have found and witnessed how everyone is replaceable, and mostly, they just ignore you.
  
  
• Your situation and these comments are heartbreaking and so real. It’s a big problem. Document, find your champions, be professional, and keep your bar high. Together, we will make progress.
  
  
• It's harder to find a different job once you are +50. If all things are equal, they typically choose the younger candidate. Just mentioning this in case you are considering looking elsewhere. It is easier to find a job when you have a job.
  
  
• I was "restructured" out of a job in a big corporation in what I was convinced was "ageism," but they covered their tracks too well. They didn't want to have to pay out pensions. Fortunately, it had a silver lining, but it really hurt at the time.
  
  
• I’m in a leadership role in my organization, and I really value and look after my older staff as they are reliable, hang around (not looking for a quick promotion), and don’t expect everyone to do everything for them. Oh, and did I say they don’t whine all the time? In fact, I’ve been employing more experienced staff over juniors recently, so I have a good mix of ages, experience, and skills. Once you have some documented examples, I’d make time to meet with senior management and raise your concerns. Good luck.
  
  
• When I had a contract canceled at fifty-four, I found it impossible to get a new job after being at the top of my field for years and years because of ageism and sexism. I ended up giving up after searching for over a year and retired way earlier than planned. Everyone wanted a young guy who would golf and party with clients despite my years of experience and great track record. I am sure it is way harder at 60. 

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