Just Jill is the creation of Jill Cohen Morris. Jill is an avid Rambler and married mother of two from Toronto, Canada, with a remarkable zest for life and a fabulous sense of humor.
Dear Just Jill,
Help! I'm about to cross the line from friendship to romance, and I am freaking out!!
I’m in my late fifties, divorced for two years, and nothing romantic or sexual for almost ten years. Enough said.
I’m a mess … forget about sex, let’s talk basics …kissing… I am not sure if I even remember how to kiss?? What if I break out in nervous laughter?
I really, really like this man. We have spoken on the phone, gone for walks, had coffee, and been out for dinner twice. Now he wants to make me dinner.
Where is my confidence? Why am I so nervous? I need advice from my wise Sole Sisters. How do I calm down? How do I enjoy the moment and stop overthinking?
What’s a gal to do?
Sincerely,
Panicked Pearl
Sole Sister Advice & Comments
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Just lean in and go for it, laughter is fine and fun. Enjoy! You have much more restraint than me.
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He’s likely more panicked and more nervous than you. Imagine him writing in his journal how he feels like a school boy asking a girl out he REALLY likes. Show a middle-aged man a middle-aged woman he likes, and I’d be prepared to bet real money he sees the beauty and not the ‘faults’ that women have been trained to focus on.
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I have been in your shoes! It’s like riding a bicycle but more fun!
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I’d be a wreck, I’m sure. Vulnerability is courage. Be brave. Be bold. Be you.
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Relax. Maybe do something beforehand to take your mind off of it.
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What an exciting adventure for both of you! It is ok to giggle nervously, and it’s ok to let him know how you are feeling (in fact, I recommend it). I did the same thing a few years ago, and it was the best thing I ever did. Enjoy yourself and let everything unfold naturally
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I’ve been in these exact same shoes, same timeline. Try to relax. Don’t be afraid to express your feelings. And the other thing, my girlfriend asked me, and I’ll go ahead and answer it, yes, they expected to be completely shaved down there lol.
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If he is really into you, nothing you say or do or wear or whatever will bother him. It’s only when we are looking for a way out that we find faults. You are perfect just as you are for the right person!
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On our first date, my now fiancé (69 and a widower) said to me (68 divorcee) ‘You’ve got to realise I’ve got no idea what I’m doing’. It really endeared him to me as I didn’t either!
SSR doesn't endorse the advice or content shared in this column. Our goal is to access the wisdom of our incredible Sole Sisters.
READ MORE > Ask Just Jill, Rambler Cafe Blog
10/25 (at age 81, and after decades-seriously-of celibacy…because I was focused on career, etc), I started dating a man of same age. He’s been in serial monogamous relationships (marriage and the equivalent), 5 times, most recently (2.5 years ago), unexpectedly widowed. We dated “casually”—platonic but we were very attracted and got/get along very comfortably-for 2-1/2 months, by NY Eve we were intimate and after 1 mos we are more-or-less living together, and expect-and act-like it is a marriage; planning our future together. We are both a bit stunned: very “easy”, no drama. And after a few weeks of getting comfortable intimately, it is pretty amazing…use your imagination…and then some! Who knew??
Hi There, some simple advice…. Just be yourself. This man was attracted to you because of who you are. Be yourself and everything will fall into place if it’s meant to be.
I am in the same boat.. I dont know ow how to even go about looking for a date..I am music Ian and meet a lot of male players but all ate married or girlfriends in town.. arrrgh
This is an exciting time for you! My biggest piece of advice, be your genuine self, not who you think he wants. At the end of the day, we all end up defaulting to our true selves in a relationship so best to start with who you are. Be your most vulnerable, giggly and beautiful self and enjoy!
You never forget how to kiss and if you are both in sync with each other everything will happen naturally. As for giggling, I regularly giggle when I’m being intimate with my boyfriend and he loves it. Really excited for you.
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