Lorraine is semi-retired and living on beautiful Vancouver Island with her husband and their beloved dog, Stormy. She enjoys hiking (especially while organizing Rambles with the Duncan Sole Circle) and playing pickleball. She is also proud to head up our Rambler Care Crew at Sole Sister Ramblers.
Let’s be honest: I judge. Quietly, subtly, often without even realizing it. A quick thought, a flicker of comparison, a tiny internal wince. In midlife, these judgments aren’t loud or dramatic…they’re softer, more refined, and often disguised as preferences or “just not my thing.” But they still shape how I see other women, and how I see myself.
Lately, I’ve been paying closer attention to this. Not because I want to shame myself, but because I’m finally beginning to understand why it happens. So much of my judgment comes from trying to define who I am. To draw a neat line around my identity. To say, “I’m this kind of woman,” and by extension, “I’m not that.”
But the truth is, I’ve never been just one thing.
I’ve always lived in the in‑between. As a kid, I played sports, joined the drama club, and played in the band. My best friend was one of the cool girls, and by proximity, I had a seat at that table, but I never quite felt like I fit in. I had friends from all corners, and that made me different. Othered.
That feeling followed me into adulthood. When I moved to a small island, I commuted daily for work, building a career I loved while raising my boys in a community that leaned toward a slower, more earth‑centred rhythm. I admired that way of life, but I didn’t fully belong. I was the one catching the early ferry in heels and a blazer, returning home, embarrassed to show up at the local grocery store looking like a city girl.
But something is shifting in me now. Maybe it’s age, maybe it’s clarity, maybe it’s finally giving myself permission, but I feel freer than I ever have to be all the things without apologizing. I’m the woman who loves breathing in fresh mountain air and pushing myself up the hardest, dirtiest trail. And I’m also the woman who wants to dress up in something pretty when I go out. I’m both. I always have been. I’m just no longer hiding it.
And with that freedom comes a new awareness of my own judgments.
Recently, I watched a popular show where the women were portrayed in ways that made me cringe…scantily dressed, sex constantly on their minds, shopping endlessly, having dramatic meltdowns over nothing. It felt like such a caricature, such a narrow view of womanhood. I felt myself bristle.
But then I paused. Why was I reacting so strongly? Was it because I didn’t see myself in them? Or because I feared being seen as them? And what if, as the story unfolds, the writer reveals other sides of these women - depth, complexity, softness, strength? Would I be willing to see them differently?
And more importantly, can I work on seeing real women with that same openness?
At Sole Sister Ramblers, I see the beauty of complexity every day. Women from all walks of life, with different interests, backgrounds, and beliefs, come together to walk, talk, and connect.
Some love dressing up and taking care of their skin. Others feel most themselves in hiking boots and a messy bun. Some are deep into philosophy and current events; others are planning their next girls’ trip or swapping book club picks that range from literary fiction to spicy romance.
And many of us are all of those things, depending on the day.
There’s no one way to be a midlife woman. There’s no single lane we’re meant to stay in. And for me, the most liberating part of this season is finally letting myself be everything I am - strong and soft, grounded and playful, gritty and glossy.
I’m learning to loosen my grip on judgment. To meet differences with curiosity. To let women be who they are without needing to sort them into categories.
Because when I stop trying to figure out what kind of woman someone is, I make space to
actually see her.
Let’s stop sorting.
Let’s start seeing.
And if you’re here, reading this, I hope you feel welcome to show up as your whole, beautifully complex self…exactly as you are.
READ MORE > Her Story, Rambler Cafe Blog
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