Jane Witherspoon is a Canadian expat adventurer, yoga instructor and passionate rambler who recently relocated from Panama to Denia, Spain.
There is tremendous power in finding your way to forgiveness towards others. At various points in our lives, we’ve all been hurt by the words or actions of others. The wound caused by that hurt may stay with us, lingering long after the moment has passed.
However, actively working toward forgiveness can loosen the grip that hurt has on you. It can free you from the control of the person who harmed you still holds over your life.. Holding onto anger, hurt, and resentment is like carrying a heavy burden, draining you emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
When we nurture feelings of hurt, anger, and resentment, holding them close and replaying them in our minds, we risk destroying ourselves from the inside out. Our inability to let go of the harm and anger against that person doesn’t harm them; it only harms us. True healing and inner peace come when we finally learn to let go of resentments and free ourselves from their grip.
Finding forgiveness is not about the other person or condoning their actions. It's solely about you, a way to let go of anger, pain, and resentment so you can heal. It is a gift you grant yourself.
I am generally someone who lets go of hurt and anger, but a pivotal moment in my life deeply shook me, both emotionally and physically. In my twenties, I was married to a man who was both mentally and physically abusive. By the end of that marriage, I had lost all trust in my own thoughts and decisions.
During the contentious divorce, he used my children as a weapon to inflict pain on me, resulting in a prolonged court battle before they were finally returned to me. Those months felt like an unrelenting nightmare, severely affecting my health and mental well-being. I resolved never to forgive him, allowing hatred to fester and consume me for many years.
Hate is powerful, and I nurtured it, allowing it to erode my happiness and guide my choices. My anger festered and built a wall around my heart, preventing trust and openness. I replayed the pain over and over, tethering myself to the past.
So, how do we learn to let go and forgive?
Through the maturity that comes with midlife and the wisdom gained over time, I chose to no longer let that hurt control my life. That path was long, but I am now free of that burden. Letting go of that anger brought me peace and allowed me to move forward, unshackled from the past, enabling my healing.
STEPS TO FORGIVENESS
Acknowledgment: You must acknowledge that someone has hurt you and resist denial. The pain they caused you is real.
Understanding: Everyone is flawed and faces their own struggles. This doesn’t condone their behavior; it simply allows you to release the weight of resentment.
Accepting it is a process: Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself, allowing wounds to heal, making you stronger and healthier both mentally and physically.
Forgive Yourself: Forgiving others begins with forgiving yourself. Often, we hold a grudge against ourselves for allowing others to hurt and take advantage of us. You, too, have to forgive yourself for holding on for so long to past hurts, preventing your own healing.
The path to healing and forgiveness can be different for everyone, but it involves intentionally letting go of resentment and anger.
And so, my Sole Sisters as you ramble out into your week, may you find forgiveness and truly start to heal and find peace within.
Forgiveness is not a one off decision;
it is a journey and a process that takes time,
determination, and persistence.
Forgiveness is not forgetting;
it is simply denying your pain the right
to control your life. - Corallie Buchanan
READ MORE > Jane's Mindful Musings, Rambler Cafe Blog
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