Just Jill is the creation of Jill Cohen Morris. Jill is an avid Rambler and married mother of two from Toronto, Canada, with a remarkable zest for life and a fabulous sense of humor.
Dear Just Jill,
Oral sex … there it is! Who is doing it, and who is not? Do you enjoy it? Do you still want to do it? Do you do it just because you think you should?
I know, I know, so many questions!!
It is not my favorite thing to do; however, I have never minded giving a blow job. I know how much my partner loves being on the receiving end, which makes me happy.
Sadly or happily, depending on how you look at it, I think my fellatio career might be coming to an end. No word of a lie, I came very close to getting lockjaw the other night!!
Has this ever happened to anyone? Maybe I am doing something wrong?
Any Sole Sisters willing to share thoughts on oral sex? Techniques? While I am at it … spit or swallow?
What’s a gal to do?
Sincerely,
Lock Jaw Lucy
Sole Sister Advice & Comments
- Wow! This is a bold question, and I admire the one who asked it! Ummm, all of the above…Maybe it’s time for a combination of techniques before Lockjaw sets in. Hopefully, there will be an equal number of you on the “receiving end,” and it will not give him the same affliction.
- I don't have a specific answer, but I knew someone who went to a jaw specialist, and specific exercises were recommended to help with this.
- Ligaments and tendon health and function are estrogen-dependent, and loss of estrogen in menopause causes a deterioration of all joints, including the jaw, which can result in pain and arthritis development. I am currently in treatment with a physio who deals with TMJ lockjaw specifically. She was referred to me by my TMJ specialist. A thought to keep in mind.
- On lock jaw: I am on medication that seems to cause clenching. I'm having a bite guard made, but I also catch myself clenching during the day. Right now, BJs are out, as are large sandwiches and gum. Hopefully, this will help me resume all activities.
- Bold question. I'll admit I am too embarrassed to dive into this one, but good on you whoever asked it. There might come a time in a woman's life when one can say, "Yep, done enough of that." I'm just saying.
- My suggestion is to have oral play be part of your foreplay and not the “main event”. This removes the pressure to perform and produce specific results. Helps you both have fun and be playful with the act. Ensures your partner still gets their desire for oral play met. So by incorporating oral play into your sexy-time as foreplay (and not the “final event”), you are less likely to experience physical distress and cause yourself jaw pain. And always remember: keep the lines of communication open so your sexy time remains fun and playful!
- I recommend reading The Wheel of Consent: The Art of Giving and Receiving. It completely changed the way I approach pleasure and conversation, both platonic and romantic. The other book I recommend is Come As You Are, and I recommend the audio version.
- My general rule is that I'd happily include it as foreplay only. It takes the stress away … and hopefully, the lock jaw.
- Wow. Can't say I expected this question. I do enjoy giving and receiving.
- Until my ex and I split, I was under the impression men didn't enjoy giving, which seemed to be my experience up to and including with my ex. Once I became single again, to my happy surprise, I found out many more men enjoy giving than I thought. I still enjoy giving; in fact, I'd say it's the majority of our sex play; often, intercourse doesn't even happen. Now, for some reason, he's not giving anymore, which might be tied to his seeming lack of sex drive (another long story). He will still pleasure me in other ways, so I'm not left out, but I'll admit I do miss getting oral.
- Switching it up between mouth and hand can give the jaw a break, at least in my experience. I find that as men get older, they just take a lot longer to finish.
- TMJ and teeth grinding is another lesser known symptom of. Menopause.
- Egads, for once, I have nothing to say. I'm currently suffering from OCDOS (One Coffee Date Only Syndrome).
- I have put in my dues. I am done with blow jobs. Perks of aging!!
- Open communication with your partner.
- I love receiving but not so great at giving. Oh well … works for us for now. Fingers crossed it continues!!
We look forward to hearing your advice in the comments!
Happy Rambling!
SSR doesn't endorse the advice or content shared in this column. Our goal is to access the wisdom of our incredible Sole Sisters.
READ MORE > Ask Just Jill, Rambler Cafe Blog
I was shocked to see this question.
All I can say is that my late husband loved giving oral sex. I gave but it wasn’t my favourite. I wasn’t the best at it, however he enjoyed it when I did it. We had to find different intimacy when advanced Parkinson’s took away the abilities for oral and intercourse. Hugs and kisses became very important, and saying and hearing, “I love you”.
Im not ticklish until I orgasm by oral sex.🤣
<<<gets her popcorn out to read the comments. Yes, I have to admit I was shocked to see this type of question but if it helps another woman then I’m all for it!
This is a fabulous conversation! Thanks to all who contributed! At age 81, after decades of celibacy (by choice and career focus), I am involved with a man of same age, who has had multiple serial relationships; and we both have amazingly strong libidos. Due to my lack of “practice”, for the moment oral sex for both of us seems to be the only way, and for the first time I enjoy giving as much as receiving. My partner does also…I am hoping that soon I will be able to add the trad intercourse, but even now we both seem very satisfied and satiated. Hopefully the lust lustre will stay strong for years to come; I’m making up for lost opportunities!
Wow, I absolutely love giving a blow job to someone I’m really into – it’s like you have all the power and control, you can do what you like, you can tease, you can play, all around it, it’s so much fun. Honestly I don’t know how you teach loving it if you don’t, but I would say I never experience “lock jaw” or anything like it, because I take a very long time to actually get to the sucking/speed point. I really do find the tease is the thing, and it turns me on like crazy at the same time! I wander around it, breathing on his skin, light kisses either side, breathing on it as I move, so he’s desperate for my touch before I get there. Then I usually start with the balls – think lots of girls miss this apparently? It drives them wild – again if you start slow and sometimes just hover above breathing on his skin – I think a lot of women and indeed men, don’t think they’re as sensitive as us .. but they are! I’ve had men say oral sex with me was a revelation, and I think it really comes across how much I love it – because it’s a caress, it’s slow, it’s absolutely the tease – I never ever take him in my mouth until I’ve spent a lot of time there already. Think foreplay – that’s my advice – think of it as the essence of him and you are giving him the love and attention you’d like him to give you. To the end of the question, 100% swallow, and stay there while he shudders, and then very slowly move up and down him with the lightest touch, because he’s so sensitive at that point, and staying in your mouth while he comes down, is just heaven (or so I’m told!). Good luck – I think approaching it like a dance is my big watchword – and I usually get some music on that I like so I can move around. It’s also visual, so looking him in the eyes when you first take him in your mouth really slowly, that’s such a turn on for him it’s crazy. God, I should write a book, I sound like a crazy penis worshipper! Bizarrely it’s how I can tell if I’m really into someone or not – blow jobs can be insanely sexy, and should be – if I find I don’t enjoy it then I know he’s not the man for me!
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