Just Jill is the creation of Jill Cohen Morris. Jill is an avid rambler and mother of two from Toronto, Canada with a remarkable zest for life and a fabulous sense of humor.
Dear Just Jill,
I am a proud cat lover! My husband and I have always had cats, and our two children grew up with them.
Our son is now married to a wonderful woman who is, unfortunately, highly allergic to cats. Even with antihistamines, she can’t be in our house for more than a couple of hours at a time. Before they come over, I do my best to vacuum and dust, but it doesn’t seem to make much of a difference.
Our cat died of old age a year ago. It was extra heartbreaking. She had helped our adult daughter through some challenging health issues. She was a special one. Now we are catless.
Our son suggested we not have any more cats so his wife would be more comfortable in our house. I have tried for a year. I miss the companionship so much! I didn’t think it would feel like this.
I am so torn. Looking for advice from my wise Sole Sisters.
What’s a gal to do?
Sincerely,
Cat loving Loretta
Sole Sister Advice & Comments
- A cat is a loving companion every single day! Get a cat!
- I highly suggest getting a very small poodle-like mix that is hypoallergenic dog. Dogs overall are less allergenic. GO TINY DOG!
- My parents had to make the same choice due to their grandchildren. The grandkids won out, no more cats. When my oldest was 18 months old we had to make the difficult decision of transitioning one of our Rottweilers to go live with my brother for the same reason.
- Talk to your vet about a liquid you can rub into the cats fur down to their skin....sometimes by the time the first bottle is done, the allergy symptoms will have disappeared
- Are there hypoallergenic cats? Maybe a hypoallergenic dog breed.
- I’d say a dog but not sure if any are hypoallergenic…allergies come from dander. If you have hair you have dander. Hairless cat?
- Is she also allergic to dogs? I know dogs are not the same as cats, but perhaps you could try fostering a dog and see how it goes for you and for your daughter in law. Rescues are always desperate for foster homes, so even if it doesn't work out you'll have helped them in the process of discovery. Best of luck!
- Friends of ours bathe their cat and say it helps. Or perhaps get a hairless cat?
- I say get a new cat and offer to bring dinner to their house.
- You have to look at what your priority is, do you want a cat or do you want your son to come by more often. Maybe get a hobby to keep your mind off a cat. I would rather have my kids come and visit me. I sympathize with your daughter in law as I am allergic to dogs and cats, so I know what that is like. My daughter cleans and vacuums her house thoroughly and keeps her dog in the garage when I visit.
- You could try volunteering with a local cat rescue or animal shelter to get your fix? Or offer neighbours with cats to cat sit for them when they travel (you could even make a bit of money doing that, or offer to do it for free in exchange for them to look after your garden/houseplants when you travel)?
- I love cats but my son is allergic so I just don’t have them. Would hate it if he couldn’t visit me.
- I’m Team Cat on this one. You can visit elsewhere or for half the year have dinner outside or go to their house for dinner.
- I must say that I would still have a cat, because for me, comfort and company is important, and dogs need too much care. I have a lot going on and my life is very much an emotional roller coaster at present. I need my cat in my life. I just lost my sweet Siamese cat of 20 years and miss her so much.
- I've had cats since I was 5 so I understand the companionship. If my son asked me not to get one because his wife can't tolerate them and we saw them regularly I would give that one a lot of thought (if they only visited once or twice a year I would look for someone to borrow my cat during their visit). I've found vacuuming all carpets and upholstery and mopping the floors really helps. I'd also consider hiring someone to do a deep clean before they came over. But in the end if that didn't work, "people before pets" and I would put seeing my son and daughter in law first because I wouldn't want to become an old cat lady whose family remembered me from a distance as someone who put her cat before her daughter in law (and any eventual grandchildren).
- I am team get a cat. The companionship every day is such a joy. Then do what you can to mitigate the allergic reaction and go to your son's house more often rather than vice versa!
- Another for Team Cat. I absolutely empathize with both sides. Obviously a tough decision if your family has to stay over for days at a time. I have heard good things about allergy shots.
- I think a lot depends on how often they visit you. Are they over all the time? Do you like your daughter in law? If yes, don’t get a cat. The optics of getting a cat after having this conversation with your son, no matter WHAT you say to them, is that you prefer the cat to her company. That said, there are cats with less dander; I’ve had a few that were coarse-coated and never elicited an allergic reaction from visiting friends. Not sure how you go about finding one though, lol. Your other option is to keep the cat out of one specific room regularly so that your daughter in law won’t experience as bad of a reaction. Good luck. I do not envy you in this situation.
- I’m wondering if your son and daughter in law are hoping to have kids - think long and hard about whether getting a new cat may interfere with time with future grandkids due to the health issue. A cat could be with you for 15+ years.
- We lost our very senior cat and dog this year (17 and 16 years old). It’s hard and the house feels very empty. I have seasonal allergies and some years they have been super bad. I’ve been on prescription meds and eyes glued shut, nose streaming, congested, vertigo, allergic cough, the works. It’s awful. Experiencing first hand how bad allergies can be I would not get a cat. I would rather have my family feel able to visit comfortably. I would volunteer with rescue cats or something like that instead.
- I say no. Family is important. You need to do some research into getting a non allergic cat. Do the research with your son and daughter in law. Having allergies can feel isolating. You feel like the odd person out. There is no better feeling than family that supports your health needs.
- If it were me, I would rather have my family free to visit whenever they want, especially if there’s a grandchild in the future. Maybe you could cat sit now and then? Or volunteer at a cat shelter once per week? I am a pet owner myself, so I completely understand your dilemma. But my kids not being able to come by would distress me terribly.
- The kids are putting you in a really tough place asking you to make that sacrifice. Your son shouldn't be asking you to give up something that gives you so much joy and emotional support on a daily basis (unless they visit extremely often). Ask the daughter-in-law to take the allergy medication when visiting, offer to bring meals to their place. In warmer months, dine and visit outside.
- I'm very allergic to cats. I say, get one. My daughter has two. My son is going to get one. I can’t have one but I love them. HEPA air filters really help but I still need antihistamines when I visit.
- My uncle used to tear up and get puffy even with antihistamines when he came over. I bought a good sized hepa filter and now he is comfortable for at least 3 hours before he starts to feel congested… and I think part of that is the antihistamine effect wearing off.
- I am highly allergic to cats too and I choose not to visit houses with cats. Have you considered a Cavoodle dog? They are loving and good companions. Real lap dogs. They don’t shed.
- A co-worker was allergic to cats. I had an outdoor only cat, and just picking up a bit of dander on my shoes would cause her issues. Some people are more allergic than others.
- I am extremely allergic to cats. I struggle greatly even with 2-3 antihistamines and nasal sprays. After brief exposure I am at risk of bronchitis. Repeated exposure makes it worse not better, cumulatively. Now no contact is all that works for me. I leave if there is a cat. I try to remember to ask before I go. If you want her in your house, don’t get a new cat. You are compromising her immune system with any and every exposure.
- My wonderful son died of cancer this year. I would advise you to prioritize your son and his family over a cat, while you have the family.
- Get a cat or two. You live in your home for more hours than your daughter in law would ever be visiting. I am highly allergic to cats too, my mother in law has two of them. I would never want her to be catless, they bring joy and love. Visit their home instead?
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