Birthday Blues Belinda - Just Jill

Just Jill is the creation of Jill Cohen Morris. Jill is an avid rambler and married mother of two from Toronto, Canada with a remarkable zest for life and a fabulous sense of humor. 

Dear Just Jill,

Okay ladies, here it is … I'm turning the big sixty-five in a few weeks!!

How can this be? I was just twenty-five … wasn't I?

Just the thought of sixty-five scares me. It sounds so old to me.

I remember when my parents turned sixty-five, and I thought, "Wow, my parents are ancient."

How did I get here? I feel great, I am active, and I am young at heart. Is 65 the new 45? Am I past my prime? I don't think so.

I'm so enjoying this stage of my life. At the same time, I can't help but think my life is almost over, which scares me and makes me anxious. There is so much I still want to do, see, and be a part of.

I feel like my time is ticking away.

Can any other Sole Sisters relate? How do you cope with these feelings?

I need advice from my wise Sole Sisters.

What's a gal to do?

Sincerely, Birthday Blues Belinda

Sole Sister Advice and Comments

• I can totally relate. It really hit me that I am in the last part of my life when I retired a year ago, at 66. I am working on finding meaningful activities and building up my friend base, but it is way harder than when I was young. I struggle, especially in the middle of the night. I actually wish I had retired a couple of years earlier, but also the pandemic prevented me from developing new activities. Life goes by so fast!
  
  
• Fifty was hard, and now I am at peace with it until the time comes when I can't do the things I love or care for myself. I dread that, but until then, this is a good time for me. 
  
  
• I have a dear friend battling cancer right now, and she does everything she wants to do now with earnestness that was a little scary. It is a piece of wisdom that might sound cliché before one is 60, but after, it sounds like a battle cry. 
  
  
• Just do it! If you do it all, you will have less time to feel anxious.
  
  
• I'm not turning 65 yet, but I am 55, so I'm on my way. Every new stage in your life is scary, but wow, new doors will open for you. At 48, I had a dear friend lose her life to a brain tumor. I decided to not let age get in the way of my enjoyment. My good friend never got that opportunity, so I'm going to "kick-ass" for the both of us until it's over for me. I hope you can jump over the line of age and enjoy it. I'm not saying some days won't be hard, but I'm betting a new pair of jazzy walking shoes will put you in the right mood!
  
  
• My Mom used to say, "Age is just a state of mind!" Mom was right. This group of ladies proves this day after day! Now, go for a hike!
  
  
• I love my 50s, but when I told my teenage daughter (I adopted her later in life!) that I'd be 60 in 4 years, we were both shocked, and she said, "That sounds so old!" I explained that I feel the same as you described here - still young at heart, with lots of fire in my belly, and like I have so many adventures left to embark on! I won't retire for years since I started my career as a teacher in my 30s and made a big move just a few years ago, so I am just getting re-established in my new job. I've always tried to balance my life and not save all my adventures for retirement, but that also means a later retirement. I long to have my time and the money for my daughter and me to LIVE now. I keep pushing through and hoping my health holds for more adventures in my mid-60s when I can finally retire. As a single parent, I worry about ever being able to retire financially, but I keep my fingers crossed that I can do it without selling our home when the time comes. Unfortunately, life is fleeting, and I don't think it hits us until we are in our 50s or 60s that this is not a dress rehearsal. I try to adhere to my motto that LIFE IS FOR LIVING because that really is it, isn't it?
  
  
• Coming up right behind you. It is scary because I think of 65 as young because my family had incredible longevity, but since I have been so sick in the last few years and almost died twice, I don't feel invincible anymore. I've had quite a few friends around our age pass away in the last few years. I think the only option is to stay young in your mind and stay as healthy as possible. I get anxious because I still need more surgery, and I still have to go to the same hospital for treatment every 8 weeks, and I shake when I see the place. I am trying so hard not to think about it in between. Just enjoy life when it's all good.
  
  
• I like hanging out with active older friends who keep telling me I am so young at 65!!! It works for me!!
  
  
• I'm 65 this year, too! I joined Sole Sister Ramblers to increase my exercise and positive women's base! Too often, I've seen women put each other down, but thankfully, not here. I'm exploring doing things I never had time to do when working full-time. It's a blessing; you only know your capabilities once you try. Happy birthday in advance!
  
  
• Forty-five was really hard for me. Fifty was hard. At 55, I decided to try to conquer my fear of aging by deciding that "today I'll never be as young as I am today, and someday I'll give anything to turn 55." So, every birthday, I say "hello" to the fear and am glad to be here another year. Billions of people before me haven't been given the chance of another year, so I'm trying to be cognizant of life these days.
  
  
• One of the critical things to overcoming the "fears" of aging is to develop new activities that engage the body and mind. I will be 76 this summer (egads!), and though I notice the decreasing stamina that has come in the last couple of years, I am still determined to do the things I took up after retiring at 62 - surfing & kayaking (not very good at either but still working on improving), mahjong (great for the mind & social contacts), traveling as much as I can afford, more reading (for knowledge and pleasure), and of course walking, hiking and gardening. Friendships are also an important part of aging well - I am often the catalyst for gatherings (which gets frustrating at times, but I accept that some people wait for others to organize things) - but it's important to create the environment for a healthy mind and body.
  
  
• I am 63, but I have no idea what that is supposed to look like. My Mom and mother-in-law were both young 63-year-olds. Some days, I feel 'old,' and other days, I think, 'How can I be 63 already?' I also think about being in the last phases of my life, but we need to forget about the number and just continue to do the things we enjoy and seek new ones. We also get stuck on the 'I'm retired' thought and think it has to mean we're aging. I'm trying to make it mean I can now do whatever I want … within reason, lol.
  
  
• I can definitely relate. I have always been there for people, lent a helping hand, and been a compassionate person.
  
  
• As I get older, I realize time is moving forward faster, and now it is my time to concentrate more on what makes me happy and aligns with my core beliefs. I have realized it is okay to say no to someone and feel okay about it, as people have said no to me during my life, and I have always accepted it graciously. I have so many hobbies and interests, and they keep me happy. I love creating community projects. These projects have always been a huge part of my life, and they have totally grounded me and brought me joy. I, for one, intend to live my life to the fullest and check things off on my bucket list. Enjoy every day. Push out any negative people who suck your energy. Focus on what makes you happy and brings you joy. Surround yourself with positive people. Remember to laugh.
  
  
• I am 76 and feel better than I did in my 50s and 60s. I have the time now that I'm retired to really follow my heart and do whatever it is that brings me joy!!
  
  
• First of all, you are correct. 65 is the new 45!!! I'm 65 also, and like most of the comments made, my sister battled cancer this last year. So I'm grateful to be here, traveling, spending time with my kids and grandkids, and doing part-time work. I continue to invest more in skin products, but that's okay! Enjoy this time, and share your wisdom!
  
  
• I am turning 70 soon. As long as I can keep moving, I feel good. I try to stay in the present moment and do things I enjoy on a daily basis. I take it one day at a time. I've always believed in preventative care, so I schedule all my doctor's appointments in a timely fashion to keep up with any issues or concerns as much as possible. I am grateful I'm aging and still here to spend time with family and friends.
  
  
• Countdown Clock … Enjoy what time you have while you're healthy!
  
  
• Time ticking away stopped bothering me when I learned that this is just a training ground for the next life, a chance to be the best we can be. Then I took a page from Clint Eastwood's book, 'Don't Let the old man in,' or in this case, Don't Let the old lady in. I am more active than I have ever been, thanks to retirement. Pickleball and hiking, thanks to Sole Sisters. Also badminton, biking, traveling. I do fall asleep on the couch at the end of the day, though! I'll leave the reading for when I can't do other things, and oh yeah, I'm closer to 70 than any other number. Don't sweat the age. You are only as old as you behave.
  
  
• I just turned 70 in March, and I don't know how that happened, either, lol. It feels quite weird, but on the other hand, I still have loads to do. I'm still plugging away at Spanish, and I would love to live in a Spanish-speaking country to become more fluent. You just keep going till you can't. My poor grandma didn't make 70, so just enjoy every day in some capacity.
  
  
• I'm in my 65th year as well and continue to claim I'm heading into my older age kicking and screaming, lol. I'm blessed with a strong, healthy body, sleep well, and try to avoid the mirror where the age evidence really exists. After retiring at 62 from an all-consuming and awesome career, I've tried to focus on travel, exercise, loved ones, plus positive people. I, too, joined this group to gather with like-minded women. We have friends who often harp on their ailments, so I've decided not to be like them. As someone in this group once said... "I am lucky to be aging rather than lamenting the aging process."
  
  
• I turned 65 in December, and I, too, wonder how I got here. My sons are in their 30s! I find that even more unbelievable! I look back and find myself more compassionate towards my younger self.
  
  
• I look forward to taking better care of my physical self, not 20 anymore, traveling, taking classes, and trying new things. Life is good.
  
  
• I'm 65 and newly retired. I really like to remember that aging is a gift. I am a cancer survivor, and that definitely changes your attitude about the small stuff. Take care of yourself, have a good sense of humor, and do things you enjoy. Cheers to 65!
  
  
• Chronologically, I was 67 in April, and I've no idea how that feels or if I'm supposed to feel and act a certain way. Don't much care to be truthful. Functionally, I'm all over the map…. when I'm with friends laughing and sharing stories; I'm 30 when I'm running around the yard or at the beach in the sand with my grandkids, and I'm in my early 20s. When they leave after a weekend, I'm feeling what I think 67 feels like. I'm much happier with the functional age, and that's how the community should see us, too. Good luck wrestling with this.
  
  
• Turning 65 this year too! Knowing that I am in the autumn of my life excites and scares me. Neither my Mom nor my sister saw their 60th birthdays. Many friends have left before their time, and I am keenly aware of the passing of time. There is so much left to do, so little time to do it. Will my body keep up with my spirit? Should I cram it all in now, just in case? Spend now or save for later? More questions than answers right now.

We look forward to hearing your advice in the comments!

Happy Rambling!

READ MORE > Ask Just Jill, Rambler Cafe Blog

SSR doesn't endorse the advice or content shared in this column. Our goal is to access the wisdom of our incredible Sole Sisters.