Jane Witherspoon is a Canadian expat adventurer, yoga instructor, and passionate rambler who recently relocated from Panama to Denia, Spain.
As we move through midlife and beyond, how do we continue to have happy and healthy sex lives? If we choose not to have an active sex life, does that make us somehow lacking?
These are questions many of us are struggling with in midlife and beyond.
For sure, I know I'm not the only one struggling to maintain an active sex life. I still desire my husband, but a post-menopause decline in libido and an ongoing battle with dry and irritated skin around my intimate areas are impacting my sex drive and making nurturing sexual desire a challenge.
As women go through menopause, they may experience a range of thoughts and emotions and many physical changes that can impact their feelings about intimacy. Weight gain is typical during menopause, often concentrated around the abdomen, leading to changes in body size and shape.
Our skin also changes. During the first five years of menopause, we lose about 30% of our collagen. As it diminishes, our skin loses its firmness and begins to sag.
For these reasons and others related to aging, many women struggle with feelings of dissatisfaction with their bodies, and these changes can deepen feelings of negativity towards our bodies. Bodily dissatisfaction, of course, impacts our desire to be intimate.
Furthermore, during menopause, our bodies undergo both physical and hormonal changes. One significant change is the decrease in estrogen levels, which can significantly affect our sexual desire. Additionally, it can lead to thinning and increased delicacy of vaginal tissues, as well as a reduction in the production of natural lubrication. All of these issues make many women less inclined to crave sexual relations.
During menopause, our bodies undergo both physical and hormonal changes. One significant change is the decrease in estrogen levels, which can significantly affect our sexual desire. Additionally, it can lead to thinning and increased delicacy of vaginal tissues, as well as a reduction in the production of natural lubrication.
All in all, maintaining a healthy sex life in midlife and beyond is daunting for many women, leading to a commonly believed societal myth that most women want to stop having sex after menopause.
Thankfully, this is not true. Midlife and beyond can be a time of renewal and growth in many ways, including sexual relations. Our sex lives will change and evolve, but that doesn't have to be a negative change. Many women are still able to receive and give sexual pleasure during this time of life, and some find they are even more sexual than they were when they were younger.
Intimacy does not always have to include intercourse; connecting through cuddling, sharing a bed, and laughing together can also be satisfying for both parties.
Some women may even experience a heightened awareness of their bodies, freedom from the worry of pregnancy, and ease and confidence in who they are. I was talking to a friend the other day who is in her mid-fifties. She found herself suddenly single and is embracing the changes in her life. She is active on dating websites, not pretending to be anything but a middle-aged woman.
She is particularly active on sites that connect younger men with older women. When she asks these men why they date older women, the most common reply is that we are confident, experienced, mentally mature, and have knowledge that makes us attractive to converse with. I applaud her, who, at 57, is embracing her age and expressing her sexual freedom and desires.
The most important thing is to let go of what you think everybody else is doing and just focus on what brings pleasure to you; it can be fun exploring new ways to find arousal for yourself and your partner.
Many women in midlife and beyond also choose to end their sexual lives and turn their attention and energies towards other priorities, embracing positive messages about the fact that we don't need a partner or sex to be complete and happy. Putting sexual relationships on hold can be empowering. It allows us to focus on the most critical person in our lives…ourselves.
And so, my Sole Sisters, as you ramble out into your week, remember that sex doesn't define us; we get to define what sex means to us.
These are questions many of us are struggling with in midlife and beyond.
For sure, I know I'm not the only one struggling to maintain an active sex life. I still desire my husband, but a post-menopause decline in libido and an ongoing battle with dry and irritated skin around my intimate areas are impacting my sex drive and making nurturing sexual desire a challenge.
As women go through menopause, they may experience a range of thoughts and emotions and many physical changes that can impact their feelings about intimacy. Weight gain is typical during menopause, often concentrated around the abdomen, leading to changes in body size and shape.
Our skin also changes. During the first five years of menopause, we lose about 30% of our collagen. As it diminishes, our skin loses its firmness and begins to sag.
For these reasons and others related to aging, many women struggle with feelings of dissatisfaction with their bodies, and these changes can deepen feelings of negativity towards our bodies. Bodily dissatisfaction, of course, impacts our desire to be intimate.
Furthermore, during menopause, our bodies undergo both physical and hormonal changes. One significant change is the decrease in estrogen levels, which can significantly affect our sexual desire. Additionally, it can lead to thinning and increased delicacy of vaginal tissues, as well as a reduction in the production of natural lubrication. All of these issues make many women less inclined to crave sexual relations.
During menopause, our bodies undergo both physical and hormonal changes. One significant change is the decrease in estrogen levels, which can significantly affect our sexual desire. Additionally, it can lead to thinning and increased delicacy of vaginal tissues, as well as a reduction in the production of natural lubrication.
All in all, maintaining a healthy sex life in midlife and beyond is daunting for many women, leading to a commonly believed societal myth that most women want to stop having sex after menopause.
Thankfully, this is not true. Midlife and beyond can be a time of renewal and growth in many ways, including sexual relations. Our sex lives will change and evolve, but that doesn't have to be a negative change. Many women are still able to receive and give sexual pleasure during this time of life, and some find they are even more sexual than they were when they were younger.
Intimacy does not always have to include intercourse; connecting through cuddling, sharing a bed, and laughing together can also be satisfying for both parties.
Some women may even experience a heightened awareness of their bodies, freedom from the worry of pregnancy, and ease and confidence in who they are. I was talking to a friend the other day who is in her mid-fifties. She found herself suddenly single and is embracing the changes in her life. She is active on dating websites, not pretending to be anything but a middle-aged woman.
She is particularly active on sites that connect younger men with older women. When she asks these men why they date older women, the most common reply is that we are confident, experienced, mentally mature, and have knowledge that makes us attractive to converse with. I applaud her, who, at 57, is embracing her age and expressing her sexual freedom and desires.
The most important thing is to let go of what you think everybody else is doing and just focus on what brings pleasure to you; it can be fun exploring new ways to find arousal for yourself and your partner.
Many women in midlife and beyond also choose to end their sexual lives and turn their attention and energies towards other priorities, embracing positive messages about the fact that we don't need a partner or sex to be complete and happy. Putting sexual relationships on hold can be empowering. It allows us to focus on the most critical person in our lives…ourselves.
And so, my Sole Sisters, as you ramble out into your week, remember that sex doesn't define us; we get to define what sex means to us.
Sex appeal is fifty percent what you’ve got and
fifty percent what people think you’ve got. - Sophia Loren
There is more to sex appeal than just measurements.
I don’t need a bedroom to prove my womanliness.
I can convey just a much sex appeal, picking apples
off a tree or standing in the rain. - Audrey Hepburn
READ MORE > Jane's Mindful Musings, Rambler Cafe Blog
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