Communicating with Loving Language - Jane's Mindful Musings

How do we learn to communicate with kindness?

It's a question I've been thinking about a lot lately. Perhaps it's because there seems to be so much unrest in the world. Everywhere we turn there are differing opinions, heightened emotions and conversations that can quickly become divisive. It has made me wonder what role each of us can play in bringing a little more understanding and compassion into the world.

I believe it begins with the words we choose.

Our words carry energy. They have the power to comfort or wound, to encourage or discourage, to build bridges or create distance. The more aware we become of the way we communicate, the more intentional we can be with one of the greatest gifts we've been given—the ability to speak to one another.

I wish I could say I've always chosen my words wisely.

When I feel stressed, hurt or misunderstood, my instinct has often been to become defensive. My words have become sharper than I intended, and at times I've said things I later wished I could take back. There is no sharper knife than unkind words, and unlike so many other things in life, once they are spoken they can never truly be retrieved.

Of course, we don't always need words to communicate our feelings. Sometimes silence speaks louder than anything we could say. A sigh, a raised eyebrow, a dismissive glance, or simply "the look" can express disappointment, frustration or anger just as powerfully as spoken words.

My daughters, now adults, still laugh about "the look" I used to give them. They remember it with humour, but when I think back, it fills me with regret. I became a mother very young, and while I was raising my children, I was still growing up myself. I was learning how to parent while also learning how to manage my own emotions.

Like so many of us, I was simply doing the best I could with what I knew at the time.

I grew up in a family where open conversations weren't encouraged. Children were expected to do as they were told, and "because I said so" was often the end of any discussion. Learning to replace authority with conversation, and judgement with listening, didn't happen overnight. It has taken years of reflection, practice and a willingness to admit when I've been wrong.

As I moved through the later stages of perimenopause, I sometimes felt as though I no longer recognised myself. My body, my emotions and my mental wellbeing were all shifting at once, making it one of the most difficult periods of my life.

It was during this time that I began asking myself some deeper questions. I wondered who I truly wanted to be, how I wanted the people I loved to experience me, and whether the way I communicated reflected the woman I was becoming.

Slowly, I began to let go of my need to control everything around me. I embraced the old saying, "Don't sweat the small stuff," and discovered that so much of what I had spent years worrying about simply wasn't worth the energy. The more peace I found within myself, the more patience I found for others.

Gradually, I found myself listening more and reacting less. Instead of becoming defensive, I became more curious, trying to understand rather than simply respond. Somewhere along the way, my words became gentler too.

That doesn't mean I always get it right. I'm still learning. There are days when frustration gets the better of me or when I wish I'd responded differently. But I've come to believe that kindness isn't about being perfect—it's about choosing, as often as we can, to respond with compassion instead of reaction.

We won't always agree with one another, nor should we. Different perspectives help us grow. But imagine how different our conversations could be if we listened with the intention to understand rather than simply waiting for our turn to speak. Imagine if we paused before responding and asked ourselves, "Will these words leave this person feeling smaller or stronger?"

It takes far more strength to respond with kindness than it does with anger.

Choosing our words carefully creates trust, deepens connection and encourages others to become the best version of themselves. In a world that can often feel loud, hurried and divided, kindness may be one of the quietest yet most powerful gifts we have to offer.

And so, my Sole Sisters, as you ramble through your week, I hope you'll remember the incredible power your words hold. May they bring comfort where there is hurt, encouragement where there is doubt, and kindness wherever your path may lead.

After all, we may not be able to change the whole world, but we can certainly change the way the people around us experience it.

Words. So Powerful
They can crush a heart, or heal it
They can shame a soul, or liberate it
They can shatter dreams, or energize them
They can obstruct connection, or invite it
They can create defenses, or melt them
We have to use words wisely. 

READ MORE > Jane's Mindful Musings, Rambler Cafe Blog.