Communicating with Loving Language - Jane's Mindful Musings

How can we learn to communicate in a positive and uplifting way? This is an especially timely message because we've all experienced much unrest in the world in the last few years.

How we express ourselves defines who we are. The words we choose to use carry energy, and have the power to be healing or hurtful. The more conscious we become of how we express ourselves, the more careful we can be in wielding our words. Speech is one of the most powerful tools we possess.

In times of stress, high anxiety, or disagreement, my language often becomes sharp and self-defensive, leading me to express myself with unkind words, or to drop into hurtful behavior. There is no sharper knife than hateful words.

Sometimes, we do not need to speak to express negative emotions. Along with speech, our body language also communicates our displeasure. In my younger years, I embraced this form of passive-aggressive behavior to show my displeasure. My daughters, now adults, joke about "the look," which they laugh about now, but for me, creates deep regret about how I communicated with my children.

I became a mother very young, so I was still growing up and learning while raising my children. Part of that growth was learning to speak and listen more positively and encouragingly. I grew up in a family where open and honest dialogue was not encouraged, where children were expected to do as told, and the standard answer to resistance was "Because I told you to." Creating a dialogue of loving communication between myself and my children took me years to achieve and remains an ongoing lesson.

Entering midlife was transformative in many ways for me. During the late stages of perimenopause, not only was my body going through a difficult transformation, but it was also affecting my mental health. It was a miserable time for me, so it was an opportune moment to evaluate and modify my behavior towards the people and situations in my life. After much deep self-reflection and the cultivation of self-awareness, I hope I have found a kinder and gentler way of moving through life.

I embraced the age-old saying, "Don't sweat the small stuff," and stopped trying to control situations and people's behavior. I focused on this a lot during this time of my life, and in doing so created a greater peace within myself. It is work that enabled me to listen, understand, react, and communicate more positively.

So, how do we communicate in a positive and uplifting way? How do we say what we feel with kindness and respect? How do we listen with attention, take in, and receive what has been said so that when we respond, there is intention in our reply?

We may not necessarily agree with what others are saying. Still, we have been given the gift of communication. When we positively express ourselves, we can communicate and educate each other in honest and loving ways. Remember that harsh or mean words cannot be taken back and can affect others in long-lasting and profound ways.

Choosing our words carefully and striving to include positive and encouraging reinforcement creates open and trusting dialogue, inspiring ourselves and others to be their best selves.

And so, my Sole Sisters, as you ramble out into your week, may you remember to wield your power of speech to communicate kindly and lovingly.

Words. So Powerful
They can crush a heart, or heal it
They can shame a soul, or liberate it
They can shatter dreams, or energize them
They can obstruct connection, or invite it
They can create defenses, or melt them
We have to use words wisely. - Jeff Brown

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