Caring for Aging Parents - Jane's Mindful Musings, Rambler Cafe Blog

Jane Witherspoon is a Canadian expat adventurer, yoga instructor and passionate rambler who recently relocated from Panama to Denia, Spain.

Usually I try to keep my Mindful Musings full of light and positivity, but sometimes we need to dig in a little deeper into the challenges in life.

Recently my mind has been filled with thoughts about my mother. She is 82 years old and has been experiencing a steady decline in her health the last six months.

For the last eight years my eldest daughter has taken on my mother’s full-time care as I am now living in a foreign country. My daughter lives rural on a small island and has moved my mother into a self contained tiny home on the property. She stops in everyday for a chat, takes her to medical appointments and looks after her general wellbeing.

Last week I was chatting with my daughter and there is concern after a rapid decline in the last few months so I am heading home to spend some time with my mom.

As I prepare for the trip, I have been pondering how my relationship has evolved with my mother throughout my adult life.

We have discussed in Sole Sisters how many of us are currently in the sandwich generation, responsible both for bringing up our own children and now taking on the care of our aging parents. My situation is slightly different, having had my children at a very young age they are now well into their independent adult lives.

My daughter has taken on the responsibility of day to day care for my mother as I am halfway around the world, for which I constantly feel immense gratitude to my daughter and feelings of guilt at not being the one taking on that responsibility.

As our parents age, the parent-child dynamic changes. We become caregivers and age related disorders become part of caring for them. I have had many conversations with friends who are deep in the trenches of caring for their parents.

Usually twice a year I head back home for a month to help out with my mother’s care, give my daughter a well deserved break and take care of any official matters that need tending.

The relationship I have with my mother is a loving one, but from early adulthood has been one fraught with the struggles of alcohol addiction. There have been many times throughout the years that I and/or my siblings have flown to various locations to care for her or gather for an intervention. This latest gathering is with a heavy heart as her addiction and age is catching up with her.

My sister and I were talking and she brought up the struggle of continuing to love someone without judgment. This can be a real struggle as you see someone you love causing themselves such harm and there is nothing you can do to change it. This struggle is much more challenging for my sister.

Over the last 15 years the life lesson and growth I have been focused on is less judgment and allowing those around me to be themselves. The good, the bad and the ugly. I have been sitting with this thought all week and will hold this intention in my heart during my upcoming visit.

And so my Sole Sisters, as you ramble out into your week may you find moments of peace and clarity in your busy lives.

To care for those who once cared for us

is one of the highest honors. - Tia Walker

Children begin by loving their parents;

As they grow older they judge them;

Sometimes they forgive them. - Oscar Wilde

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