Most of us have heard the saying, "I'm not everyone's cup of tea," this week, I am reminding you that that's okay. We all crave to be liked, but learning to let go of the need to be liked and accepted by others who don't connect with you is freeing and essential to personal growth.
There are those whose words and actions do not align with your way of life. How about those times when, as soon as you meet someone, you have an instant dislike for them? What creates that?
There are various reasons why not everyone will connect or like one another. Most of the time, that reason will have nothing to do with you but rather what is happening in their life that creates that feeling.
Starting from early childhood, the dichotomy between being shy and introverted but wanting to be accepted and liked has been my greatest challenge. The fear of putting myself out there and the disappointment of not being included were ever-present.
Ironically, shy people are often the people who search for a connection. Their fear can frequently create a barrier, creating a feeling that outsiders see as uninterested, standoffish, or rude. This is usually not true. It makes me wonder how many friendships have been missed because of these false impressions.
One particular situation comes to mind. Early in my career as a corporate paralegal, there was a woman who I liked and wanted to get to know. For many months, we would pass by each other, colleagues interacting purely professionally. We finally connected on a more personal level, where she shared that she previously thought of me as an uptight bitch.
This statement rocked my world and was repeated by several others in the coming years. The impression I projected was far from true. It was a protective mechanism.
On the other side of the spectrum are those amazingly gregarious outgoing individuals who can be "all that and more." Those people scare me on many levels! How can you compete with someone who is always the life of the party, whose life seems more exciting and fascinating than my own? I am happy to say that I can now count several of these individuals as some of my closest friends.
When I first met a particularly close friend, I told her that I didn't think we could be friends. She was having none of that, and in true extrovert style, she pulled me in, making me feel special to her and pulling me out of my shell. We accepted each other just as we were, benefiting from our differences.
I have learned from my outgoing friends that they have the same fears and insecurities. In fact, these feelings can be more robust because these boundless personalities can create insecurity and a perceived threat to others. This perceived threat is often the cause of the dislike, not their personality. They can't find it within themselves to support another.
As we move through this third quarter of life, let us embrace who we honestly are, all our exceptional uniqueness and quirky idiosyncrasies. Let us focus on what makes us happy and surround ourselves with those who love and support us just as we are.
It is a lifelong journey toward discovering through maturity and understanding that there are many reasons that we may not be what someone is looking for and that many of those reasons have nothing to do with who we are.
And so, my Sole Sisters, as you ramble out into your week, may you remember to be your magical, singularly unique you. Don't change; you have worked hard to become who you are meant to be.
The world is filled with people who, no matter what you do,
no matter what you try, they will simply not like you.
But the world is also filled with those who will love you fiercely.
The ones who love you they are Your People.
Don’t waste your finite time and heart trying to convince
the people who aren’t your people that you have value.
They will miss it completely. They won’t buy what you are selling.
Don’t try to convince them to walk your path with you because
you will only waste your time and your emotional good health.
You are not for them and they are not for you. You are not their
cup of tea and they are not yours. Politely wave them along and
you move away as well. Seek to share your path with those
who recognize and appreciate your gifts, who you are.
Be who you are. You are not everyone’s cup of tea and that is OK.
READ MORE > Jane's Mindful Musings, Rambler Cafe Blog.
Thank you so much for this message! I was painfully shy growing up….and learned much later in life that people thought I was “stuck up” rather than feeling “why would they even want to talk to me?” I still consider myself an introvert, but am much better than I used to be!
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