How Hair Defines Us - Jane's Mindful Monday

Do you regard your hair as an extension of your identity? As women, our hair can define us, a bad hair day equals a bad day, full stop.

Self-esteem can be impacted when our hair is misbehaving, whether fine, frizzy, dry, turning grey, or falling out. History has defined women’s hair as the ultimate symbol of our femininity and sexuality, so it is no wonder many women feel like their hair is their “crowning glory” or despair when it isn't.

During the pandemic, many couldn’t go to the salon to continue with color maintenance; hence, the “silver revolution” was born. Going grey is an emotional rollercoaster and not everyone is ready to hop on. 

So we delved into this subject and have asked two of our Sole Sisters, Chin Mei Oh and Lorraine Kopetzki, to share their experiences with two very different outcomes.

Chin Mei lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysian and Lorraine is Canadian and lives on Vancouver Island - showing that to be grey or not to be grey is a worldwide dilemma.

Chin Mei

I started dyeing my hair in my 30s. My greys were inherited from my mom, who began dyeing hers when she was 20. As a professional, I had to look suitable for my clients. Who would want to see white strands in my black hair? I would DIY because it was easy. It was just like washing my hair.

In my 40s, I began to go to a hair salon to get it dyed. The trend was for lighter colors. This started my costly monthly trips to the hair salon. Initially, I loved it. I liked the color; it made me feel great but it was expensive and a lot of work. I would have to hide the grey roots every four weeks and would delay my trip to the salon as long as I could.

I am a tutor, and when I left it too long, my young students would ask me how old I was, wondering about my white roots. Whether my hair roots were covered impacted my social plans. I was ashamed of my greys. They were controlling my social life.

Then a schoolmate announced on Facebook that she had cropped her hair and was growing out her dyed hair to go natural. After much research and contemplation, in Dec 2018, I leaped and did the same. I started with a pixie cut. I showed a picture of Jamie Lee Curtis’ hair to my hairdresser and assured her I wanted to do it. I felt great. I felt young as I had pixie cuts as a young adult.

I won’t be controlled by my greys anymore. I feel confident in this decision when I meet up with my old school friends because I am proud to have taken this step. I feel in control and empowered. This is the real me.

During the pandemic, my white hair came in handy. Several times I was mistaken to be a senior citizen, especially when my hair was in a bun and I was ushered into a shorter queue at the grocery cashier.

Currently, my hair has grown longer than ever, and I’m proud to show off my long white locks. Every time I go to the hairdresser, she asks me to dye my hair, but I always decline.

Lorraine 

I have dyed my hair in some form or another for as long as I can remember. In my teen years, I thought my hair was too mousy, so I used a chemical lemon product some of you may remember called “Sun In” to make my hair blonder in the summer months. After that, I sporadically highlighted my hair, lowlighted, and anything in between.

I started noticing grey patches in my hair in my early 40s, so I started asking my hairdresser to camouflage the grey until, at some point in my 50s, I realized that my camouflaging had turned into full-blown color maintenance.

Now at the age of 57, I have a standing appointment at the salon precisely every 4 weeks to have my hair strategically highlighted and lowlighted to cover all my greys! This past month, my hairdresser took a holiday, so I had to wait an extra two weeks to get my hair done. It was stressful!

Why do I continue this insanity? I can’t even begin to do the math, nor do I wish to know the truth in figuring out how much these appointments have cost me over the years. I considered saying goodbye to the dye once and for all during the Covid lockdown. It occurred to me that the lockdowns were the perfect opportunity to quietly grow out my roots and present myself to the world as a natural grey-haired woman at the end of the pandemic.

I love the look of a few women I follow on social media and friends who have gone natural with their hair. However, I am just not that gal, at least not yet.

I realize that the signs of aging are inevitable, but covering my grey hair helps me reflect to the world of the age I still feel inside.

It is also about accepting the things I no longer have power over and controlling what is still within my power. I can’t stop the well-earned wrinkles and smile lines from forming on my face or the crepey skin that says hello to everyone as I wave goodbye, but I guess one of the things currently still in my power is covering up my grey hair.

My hair is like a boardroom power suit that makes me feel confident.

So my Sole Sisters, as you ramble through your week, embrace what feels right for you, what makes you feel beautiful in all your crowning glory. And, of course, we would love you to share your hairy stories.  

Confidence is what makes a woman beautiful.
Feel the way you want to be seen.
Wear your confidence.

 READ MORE > Jane's Mindful Musings, Rambler Cafe Blog