Rita Fromholt is lifelong seeker of environmental and social justice, animal and nature lover, from the heart of the Coastal Temperate Rainforest on Vancouver Island, Canada.
If you had told me in my thirties if I thought that by the time I turned sixty-one, I would be single (again) and looking for a job (again), I would have been incredulous!
Surely, by my early sixties, I'd be settled into a long-term relationship and reaching the pinnacle of my career with retirement plans on the horizon. But those of us who have reached this age know that life sometimes takes us on a different path than what we expected.
Here's a snapshot of my story. I married for the first time at fifty but was divorced by fifty-eight - we're still good friends, so it was not a complete disaster. Then, my life was further upended when without warning, I was laid off and plunged into the job market at the age of sixty-one.
Read More > My Unthinkable Late Life Lay Off, Rita Fromholt
Neither of these experiences was part of my life plan! But nonetheless, I found myself once again searching for a good job, and while I was doing so, I realized it felt a lot like searching for a life partner.
As I dragged myself into the job market for the first time in over fifteen years, I noticed how I was preparing myself – endless online searches for jobs that might be a good match, creating a resume of all my life accomplishments, crafting cover letters with a flattering headshot, outlining why someone should pick me. This process, and its accompanying emotional ups and downs, quickly began to feel similar to those I had experienced when I was immersed in the world of online dating.
After all, is searching the internet for the perfect job or the perfect mate really that different? In my experience, it's not! I suspect any woman who's experienced either of these journeys knows what I mean. For the rest of you, let me explain.
Losing a Job is Like Losing a Lover
Being laid off from a job I loved and deemed redundant by people I trusted felt similar to being dumped in a romantic relationship. Receiving an official Record of Employment and filing for Unemployment Insurance felt similar to seeing a divorce lawyer - ugly but necessary steps to make the heartbreak official in the legal system.
I invested a lot of time and energy into making that job work and did the best I could for the company, but, in the end, my efforts weren't enough. I felt shattered and betrayed but had no choice but to forge ahead into the great unknown of the search.
I was worried about whether or not there was a good match somewhere for me, given my work experience and where I was in my career. I had to learn how to market myself the same way I did when I started using dating websites after my divorce. I had to dig deep and muster up every ounce of courage I could find in my psyche to start and maintain the search.
Creating the Perfect Profile or Resume
We all know that creating the perfect online dating profile is critical to catching the romantic attention of a potential life partner. The late-career resume serves the same purpose as a dating profile to summarize (with a few creative embellishments here and there) your life's path, career choices, and education with the hope that it will make you stand out in the crowd.
While updating my resume, I was forced to ponder the road map of my life and everything I have done. Memories flooded in of my time at university, of the people I have worked with, the places I have lived and worked, and my successes and failures . . . all laid out in a two-page synopsis for the world to see and to judge. Only I could read between the bullet points and recall all the joys and heartache associated with each one.
Finding the Ideal Match or Job Posting
After creating the profile, you begin searching for the ideal match. You look through hundreds of profiles of people looking for that perfect thing. Then you find the one you hope is going to rock your world, and you take your time to write a witty, creative, and attention-getting note, suggesting they check out your profile. Your heart is yelling, "Pick me, pick me!"
Then you hit the send button and wait. And wait. And wait, wondering if anybody is out there and whether or not they even received your message.
The response I received from most employers I applied with was complete silence and utter ghosting. I spent a lot of time crafting cover letters written explicitly for the advertised job, including researching the company and looking for hooks that would make me stand out.
A few had the decency to provide an automated response to acknowledge receipt of my application, and a few replied later to say thank you for applying, but the position had been filled.
All of this leaves you wondering if you made a mistake or said something inappropriate, but you never get an opportunity to explain yourself.
The First Coffee Date or Screening Interview
If you're lucky, you get a response and a request for a face-to-face meeting. The panic, excitement, and anxiety associated with a job interview feel very similar to that of a first coffee date.
You prepare for days, anguishing over what to wear, the appropriate response to the questions they might ask, how to sound intelligent and witty, how to justify past decisions, when to smile, and determining what questions to ask so that you sound interested and demonstrate that you have done your homework.
In the seven months I was in the job market, I had only four interviews for the twenty jobs I applied for - a fact that didn't help my self-confidence!
So, you can imagine the pressure I put on myself to do well in the interviews. Each time, I left with the impression it had gone well, but just like with that first coffee date, you never know. Often you find out later that the feeling wasn't mutual. Sometimes, the connection is there for both parties; sometimes, it's not. It's tough to predict how any interaction will be perceived by people who don't otherwise know each other.
Let's Do this!
We all hope we will find love and a great job, and thankfully, both eventually happened for me.
I was turned down twice but received two job offers. I'm happy to report that I accepted a position with an incredible organization in a role that suits my interests and skills. My hard work of self-promotion paid off! I feel valued and challenged in this new role, with my age and experience level positively acknowledged. YEAH!
I also have a new life partner who sees me for who I am, warts and all. He appreciates the many life experiences I bring to our relationship rather than being turned off or threatened by them.
Both my job search and my partner search required me to reflect on my past and envision my future, and both taught me a lot about myself. It was a growth period I needed to experience to launch me into this new chapter of life.
As John Lennon famously said, "Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans," but sometimes the unplanned changes in life direction lead you to the places you were meant to be after all.
READ MORE > Her Story, Rambler Cafe Blog
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