Advice For My 20-Something Self - JT's Tales From The Trail

Jill Thomas is a rambler, traveler, and storyteller with a big laugh who thinks its funny how life leads you right where you need to be, however the roundabout path. 

Merriam-Webster defines wisdom as "the soundness of an action or decision concerning the application of experience, knowledge, and good judgment." Good judgment, grounded in a lifetime of experience, generates wisdom that makes our lives easier. 

We learn this lesson because, for many of us, youthful incidents of bad judgement unleash havoc in our lives. Generally, the prevalence of havoc in one’s daily life directly correlates with age - with babies and toddlers being the purest form of chaos. Perhaps we become wiser as we age because even the wildest among us grow to dislike mayhem.

Today, even those raised by wolves are taught (mostly by ubiquitous internet memes) that wisdom comes with age. But only now, as I am skidding into my 7th decade, have I truly come to understand how true this is.

I'm still dumb in lots of ways but also much wiser. These days, when I’m around young people, I find myself cast in the role of wise old crone. This is probably because I love to dole out life-enriching advice, alongside humourous back-in-the-day anecdotes while I tinkle the ice in my sunset cocktail. It's annoying, but I am old enough not to care very much.

So today, while rambling, I pondered what advice I would give my twenty-something self. This, of course, is a silly question for two reasons. First, it's impossible to do, and second, it's unlikely that twenty-something Jill would pay the slightest bit of attention. Back then, I sparkled with brazen self-confidence and, people older than forty sounded like Charlie Brown's teacher.

It's also not an original question. A simple Google search reveals thousands of articles with titles like "50 Things I Would Tell My Younger Self." Most of this content is written for search engines rather than people. This is made extra evident by the fact that 50 is way too many pieces of advice to give to anyone, no bother an impatient twenty-something. I don't know about you, but I had stuff to do and people to see back then. 

The advice doled out in all varieties of internet listicles is both universally appealing and meaningless due to its near impossibility to implement. It's intentionally designed to tug on our insecurities, fears, and regrets because these emotions make us click on ads and buy stuff we don't need.

It takes a lifetime to understand and live up to even a few of the lessons doled out on these interminable lists. We all want to be kinder to ourselves, find love, embrace change, be ourselves, dare to think big, and exercise more . . . yada yada yada. When given this advice my twenty-something self would have rolled her eyes and said, "Duh," while my current self would say, "It's harder than you think."

So instead, given a chance to have a cocktail with twenty-something Jill, I might be tempted to impart age-old wisdom. The kind of advice I’m only authentically grappling with now like: living in the moment, being grateful, listening more than I speak, and finding joy in the little things. However, twenty-something Jill wasn't emotionally capable of any of this.

The broad generality of these prescriptions would have irritated her. I know this because I often say stuff like this to my kids when they're ruminating about their daily problems, regrettable pasts, and scary futures, and they don't find it helpful. 

So, perhaps I might give her more specific, impactful and yet still challenging advice like don't worry about your weight, show up when invited, and keep reading books even after discovering the internet. But again, without changing my maturity-based capabilities, this advice would only make almost middle-aged Jill feel guilty when she failed.

So, then I thought about the specifics of Jill’s young life and that maybe I could tell her not to bother dating much until she is ready to settle down, because it is a distraction that brings too much heartache.

I might warn her that camping at music festivals is less fun than it sounds and that taking a full-term graduate course called "How To Use An Internet Search Engine" might be a waste of time. I would definitely tell her that pancakes and chicken stock are easy to make from scratch, to turn down the job at the Dairy Queen, and not buy a College Pro Painting franchise.

However, as we all know from Hollywood movies, changing the specifics of your past life while time traveling to give your younger self advice will likely unleash unanticipated mayhem usually causing you to not meet the love of your life. So, in the end I think if I had the chance to tell my twenty-something self just five pieces of advice I know she could handle, I might choose these.

1. Take meticulous care of your teeth because it's easy and has big payoffs.
   
   
2. Make coffee, cook more food, buy fewer shoes, and then use the extra money to buy property in your thirties.
   
   
3. Keep a daily written journal while you own restaurants because the chaos of owning two seasonal restaurants on a tiny tourist island will generate enough hilarious stories to fill a best-selling book. You need the notes because you won't remember the specifics of the stories when you finally have time to write the book.
   
   
4. Create a life where you can ramble in nature or a city you love daily. You don't realize it yet, but this is your favorite thing to do.
   
   
5. Stretch for 20 minutes every day. Your body will thank you.