Pothead Patty - Just Jill

Just Jill is the creation of Jill Cohen Morris. Jill is an avid rambler and mother of two from Toronto, Canada with a remarkable zest for life and a fabulous sense of humor.

Dear Just Jill,

Cannabis is now legal where I live.

Full disclosure, I smoke pot and I like to drink socially. My husband does not drink but enjoys smoking pot socially.

We have an ongoing argument. Now that pot is legal he thinks it is okay for him to smoke in front of our adult children - we have three children in their early twenties.

Why should I be allowed to have a glass of wine or a cocktail with our kids and he not allowed to share a joint with them??

Truthfully, it’s not only in front of our kids, he thinks he can smoke with anyone, anywhere now. I don’t have the answer, It just seems very wrong to me!!

Am I crazy?

What’s a gal to do?

Sincerely,

Pothead Patty

Sole Sister Advice & Comments 

• I think the older we get, the echos of our upbringing and the standards we have set for ourselves at different points of time get harder to shake. It's uncomfortable when life takes a new turn and seems in opposition. Perhaps that's what is happening here. But whether to readjust one's standards around smoking pot is harder to answer. I don't think there's a logical choice to whether it's right or wrong to do a legal activity with grown family members. It's all about comfort level and how it affects the bonds between them.
  
  
• My kids are recreational pot smokers and gummy eaters. They are very open with me about it, and I’m fine with that. I haven’t smoked pot in a long time. I used to smoke it when I was in my 20s. I don’t think I would smoke it with my kids but if they wanted to I guess I would consider it. It somehow feels different to me than alcohol. I don’t think my kids see it that way though. I like a glass of wine while I’m cooking dinner and have always had it in front of my kids.
  
  
• Tough situation to grapple especially now that smoking pot is legal in so much of North America. Somehow when something is legal it is far more tolerable and deemed ‘normal’ but since pot is a recent thing it still has a level of wrong doing (uncomfortable ness) vs drinking.
  
  However having moved to Singapore where drugs aren’t tolerated at all and there are severe penalties if caught it’s interesting how taboo of a subject it is amongst those who haven’t experienced the legalization. I think they would be shocked if I mentioned our ‘garage’ was the local hangout for smoking and drinking for our late teenage/young adult kids. So much so I decorated it one year and even set up a living room with the outdoor furniture complete with a Christmas tree. Smoking was strictly not allowed in the house. And cars were left at our place for anyone participating.
  
  Our own parents were very liberal and had the belief they would rather us engage in such activities at home where they knew where we are. We too felt the same way. In some weird show of respect our friend’s kids would ask us to join them but we always declined. Mostly because we didn’t smoke but we would join them for a glass of wine in the comfort of our living room. I think every family has to find their own comfort level which can differ drastically based on knowing your own tolerances and beliefs.
  
  At the end of the day open discussions and respect for your decisions (while under your roof) are key.
  
  
• It depends what is meant by in front of. Smoking, whatever the substance, is not quite the same as drinking. It would be hypocritical to prevent your kids from seeing you or your partner use pot, if you don't mind them seeing you drink alcohol. But as with tobacco, I hope the smoking is done outdoors, so that you, your kids or any others are not exposed to secondhand smoke.
  
  
• I a curious as to what folks are going to say! We have two kids, 27 & 30, and we use Cannabis in front of them like we will have a drink around them. Those boundaries disappeared in their mid-twenties which was also about when pot was legalized.
  
  I remember when my daughter lit a joint and smoked around us. I was so shocked then, and when I said something, I felt like a fuddy-duddy. I am under the distinct impression that I do not have a choice about whether my kids smoke pot in front of us (my son doesn't smoke pot, but my daughter does). My friend's kids also smoke pot in front of us and their parents when we are socializing. It took my friend a few years to get used to doing the same in front of them.
  
  I also think pot is bad for young brains and can even trigger mental health issues with overuse in a brain predisposed to this. So this may not make any sense at all, but I didn't feel okay with it until my kids were in their mid-twenties. But alas, legalization is a new thing to grapple with, so it is likely hard to say 19 is okay for booze but not drugs. It is a tricky question and one that maybe only our generation will grapple with.
  
  
• Great topic! As I was growing up, in high school, the “potheads” were seen as the people who would go nowhere. Full disclosure I had a few full out drunken fiascos in my youth and at university so not claiming any perfection myself. Fast forward to a beach walk with my 17 year old telling me,
  mom, I tried pot and it reduced my social anxiety so much I could actually talk in class. 
  
  
  Cue much internal hand-wringing and research. I don’t know the answers but I know it can help some people. Our generation was so influenced by the demonization efforts out of the USA. Learning that history helped me a bit too.