Just Jill is the creation of Jill Cohen Morris. Jill is an avid rambler and mother of two from Toronto, Canada with a remarkable zest for life and a fabulous sense of humor.
Dear Just Jill,
Help, I need a life!!
I’m married and have two kids who aren’t really kids, they are adult children who are both away at school.
Yes, I am a virgin empty nester.
Before having my children I had a lucrative career which I loved. I was fortunate enough to have the choice to continue working or stay home raising my children. I chose to stay home. For me, it was the absolute best decision.
Twenty-one years later here I am … lost… with no purpose. My husband is still working, nowhere near retirement. I am not a woman of leisure nor do I enjoy going out for long lunches. I cannot be idle. Even when I was raising my kids I was always super busy… I ran the PTA at their schools, I volunteered whenever needed…
Downtime is not part of my DNA yet here I am with more downtime than I know what to do with.
Should I go back to school? Should I go back to work? Who would hire me? Am I marketable? What can I offer anyone? Should I volunteer? What if I get a job when will I ramble?
This is what keeps me up at night!!
What’s a gal to do?
Sincerely,
Empty Nest Nellie
SOLE SISTER ADVICE
- I am following this post because I am so interested in how we fill our days when space opens up our lives for the first time. I was hanging with some women last week, talking about wanting to retire, but I didn't know how they would fill their days. They say, "I need something to do during the day." And another who is thinking of retiring soon and is afraid of losing her relevancy in the community.
- I have always been a workaholic until the pandemic was constantly overwhelming and short of time. I am so busy was my mantra. So now, working a little less and not having kids to care for has given me time to do stuff I have always wanted to do - mainly reading and writing and, of course, Sole Sisters. I spend a lot of time on Sole Sisters (LOL).
- I know this time is a luxury and a privilege in our lives that most women worldwide do not have. So we have a responsibility of sorts to use this time wisely and to the benefit of other humans. I can't wait to hear what you all think.
- Can you participate in city government? We have all kinds of boards and commissions that one can apply for.
- Nellie and I could be besties!
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I went back to school at 50! It has been SO MUCH FUN! I highly recommend it. For a variety of reasons. I’ve realized that I went back to accomplish things I had long wanted to do. I am a certified life coach now as well as having passed the exams for red seal baking(still need to finish the hours to receive the seal).
Both of these are skills I wanted to get better at throughout my years with kids at home but I just didn’t. Now I have. The other thing is that my kids, 19 and 22, are at university and earning a trade certificate and learning at the same time as they are has given me a perspective on their lives that I otherwise would not have had. I
t’s exciting and challenging and daunting and rewarding. I’ve had to write final exams at the same time as one kid and had to deal. With apprenticeship paperwork at the same time as the other. It’s been great!So there’s my 10 cents!! Best of Luck, it’s all an adventure:)
- I am an empty nester and retired a couple of years ago and initially, I did find it a bit of a struggle as to what to do with myself. However, I took a job 2 days a week working in a little clothing store near my home and I have really enjoyed this. It is enough to give me structure in my week and to get me dressed up and out and meeting people but still allows me lots of time to ramble and do other things I love.
Taking University courses may be my next plan now that classes are back in person! My suggestion is to start small and add something new to your life whether it be a part-time job, a class, or joining a gym or a running/walking group.
It is amazing how these small steps open you up to other possibilities that can then lead to bigger and different opportunities to explore! The hardest step is definitely the first one! Good luck Nellie!
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I see this in women so much, they have given everything to everyone else and then they feel either tired, overwhelmed, burnt out or just floating with no purpose, and the 'who am I and what do I do with my life' comes to the forefront.
It's not an easy transition, you need to have interests or re-explore ones from before if the passion is still there, you're never too old to start something new, re-adjust the sails, change tack in your life, or get rid of the shoulds and give to yourself for once.
- For me, travel has been a great healer, experience and just taking yourself out of your everyday life and not only exploring a new place, and way of life, but exploring who you are and your needs and what you want.
- Did I ever think I would start a small wellness place in Bali at the age of 58, no way, not even on my radar, but taking myself outside my everyday life and exploring other parts of the world and meeting people along the way, it just kind of happened.
I've ended up putting all my life skills together, including my work in Mental Health, and counselling, being the one everyone comes to with a problem and turned my life into what I like to do or help people with and get to live my best life without the grind. I see so many women who think their life is over, they have nothing valuable to give and it's just not true. They have forgotten what they want and who they are at the core, it's still there, it just needs help coming out.
To be heard amongst everyone else's needs and the shoulds and societies expectations of what you should be doing. What's one thing you always wanted to do, go and do that!
- Study has always been my change agent. Whenever I have been stuck, admittedly I am talking about being stuck within my job, I go back and study. It has always changed things for me in a positive way. It gets you thinking, you meet new people, it is refreshing and pushes you outside your comfort zone, without it being risky. Good luck on your journey.
- I retired last June after a busy career of supporting students who needed extra support in school. I loved the sudden freedom to delve into my interests like gardening and working on our farm, more time rambling, writing and spending more time with my dog.
Then a couple of months ago the opportunity fell in my lap to try a new job working at our local library and I’m loving learning new skills and experiencing a new type of work life. I do miss the freedom of all my unscheduled time, but there will be lots of time for that in the future, so right now I’m happy to embrace this new opportunity.
READ MORE > Just Jill, Rambler Cafe Blog
So true, hubby retired early, I left a good job in big city which we are in the process of leaving for slower quieter pace but I still had to work. My job is not remote so I travel and take contracts. It’s not always easy and takes some time to find one in a location I need to be as I still have elderly parent(whom makes me feel guilty leaving) anyways a lot of what ifs and no stability right now. I’ve lost friends, for various reasons and empty nester, marriage changes. I find it harder as an older woman to make friends. Right now in winter I’ve had a lot of time off. Dark, cold, wet. I try to not have high expectations, keep it simple, take one day at a time, clean a room and declutter, indoor stuff. Walk the dog and we joined a walk group in the town we found a new home. But living in between two places so far makes me feel unsettled. Taking a class in the winter is a good idea. I do yoga when I can and I love it. But yeah no one really comes to me and says want to have coffee or a walk, it’s always me reaching out so I’ve become more introverted then I’d like.
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