Letting Go of Comparison to Others - Jane's Mindful Musings

Jane Witherspoon is a Canadian expat adventurer, yoga instructor and passionate rambler who recently relocated from Panama to Denia, Spain. 

Many changes occur in our lives during midlife and beyond, and while they are happening, it can be challenging to overcome the impulse to compare ourselves to others.

There is no set timeline or definitive list of what you will experience at this age, so it feels important to normalize your experiences and resist comparing your personal journey to others. It's normal to feel lost, confused, nervous, or scared sometimes. We all will go through these changes at some point. You are not alone.

Remind yourself that no matter where you are on this journey, you're not failing, weird, behind, or ahead on some arbitrary timeline. This type of frustration is not only normal but an opportunity for growth and is part of what makes us human.

I just passed my 60th birthday and am nine years into post-menopause. As a lifelong migraine sufferer, I was told by several doctors that hormone replacement therapy (HRT) is not a viable option for me. I believe that without hormone replacement, I have nothing in my tool kit to slow down the impacts of aging.

During the last couple of years, and especially the last six months, I've been struggling with feelings that I am aging quicker than my peers and feeling guilty about my feelings of lost vanity. When I look in the mirror, I see the changes staring back at me, and then I find myself looking at other women my age and comparing myself to them. And there it is, a susceptibility to self-comparison that only brings unhappiness.

I am also afraid of not being able to actively continue doing all the things I love to do as my body changes. My muscles are becoming less strong, and my joints now require special attention when I exert myself while rambling or doing yoga. Sometimes, I can't help but compare myself to my companions out on the trail or in my yoga classes.

We all do this, but comparing ourselves to others damages our self-confidence and overall mental health and leads to a lack of gratitude for all the great things we have achieved and have in our lives.

Comparison happens when we need to measure how we are doing against how others are doing. It brings up anxiety-inducing questions like, am I enough? Am I doing enough? Am I doing it well?

Our mental health will improve if we judge ourselves based only on our own values and find contentment with who we are and what we have accomplished on our personal life journey.

Suppose we can let go of the fear and nervousness leading to the unhealthy comparison habit. In that case, we are more likely to live purposefully and create new opportunities during this time. It is easier to find gratitude free of comparison.

A place to start is to remind ourselves that mid-life and beyond is not just a time of decline but also a time of renewal. It is a time to contemplate how you want to move forward into the rest of your life. For many of us, an abundance of opportunities may be presenting themselves.

Here are some ideas that may help you on this journey.

Figure out who you are and develop a sense of what provides you with consistency and predictability. Reconnect with your strengths, values, and what brings you joy.

Discover and protect the sense that your life has value, and pay attention to how you make a positive difference.

Give your time and energy to the dreams and aspirations that are deeply important to you, that ideally improve life beyond you and around you, and help you organize your goals and choices in life.

So, my Sole Sisters, as you ramble through your week, remember to cultivate gratitude in your life and remember that we are all in this together. Finally, be kind to yourselves.: