Letting Go of Comparison to Others - Jane's Mindful Musings

Comparison is something I think every woman struggles with at different times in her life.

Midlife and beyond bring enormous change, and while we're navigating these transitions, it can be difficult to resist the temptation to compare ourselves with others. We compare our appearance, our health, our relationships, our careers, our finances, our children, our energy levels, and even how well we think we're ageing.

The truth is, there is no roadmap for this stage of life.

There is no set timeline or definitive list of what you should be experiencing in your fifties, sixties, or beyond. Every woman's journey is unique, which is why I believe it's so important to normalise whatever you're feeling. Whether you feel excited, uncertain, lost, confused, hopeful, nervous, or even a little scared, you are not alone.

Sometimes it can feel as though everyone else has it all figured out while we're quietly wondering if we're doing this stage of life "correctly."

But there is no correct way.

Remind yourself that wherever you are on this journey, you are not failing. You are not weird. You are not behind, and you are certainly not ahead of anyone else. You are simply living your own life, in your own time.

The uncertainty we sometimes feel isn't a sign that something is wrong. It's often a sign that we're growing.

When I celebrated my sixtieth birthday I was nine years post-menopause. As someone who has suffered from migraines for most of my life, several doctors advised me that hormone replacement therapy wasn't a suitable option for me. While I respect that advice, there are times when I can't help wondering whether I would feel different if HRT had been an option.

Without it, I sometimes feel as though I have very little in my toolkit to slow the physical changes that naturally come with ageing.

Over the past couple of years, and particularly during the last six months, I've found myself struggling with something I didn't expect.

When I look in the mirror, I notice the changes. The lines are deeper, my skin has changed, and my body no longer responds the way it once did. Then, almost without thinking, I find myself looking at other women around my age and wondering why they seem to be ageing differently.

It's such a familiar trap.

Comparison quietly creeps in and steals our contentment.

For a long time I felt guilty for having these thoughts. I wondered whether it was simply vanity. But I've come to realise it's much more than that. It's about adjusting to a changing identity. It's about saying goodbye to one version of ourselves while learning to embrace another. That isn't vanity—it is part of being human.

My concerns aren't only about how I look.

I also worry about whether my body will allow me to continue doing the things that bring me so much joy. Rambling, practising yoga, travelling, exploring nature—these activities are part of who I am.

I notice my muscles aren't as strong as they once were. My joints ask for a little more care and attention. Recovery takes longer than it used to. Sometimes, while out on a Ramble or standing on my yoga mat, I catch myself comparing my strength, flexibility, or endurance to the women around me.

I'm sure many of you have experienced something similar.

The problem is that comparison rarely leaves us feeling inspired. More often, it chips away at our confidence, diminishes our gratitude, and distracts us from everything our bodies have carried us through over a lifetime.

Comparison asks questions that can never truly be answered.

Am I enough?

Am I ageing well enough?

Am I doing enough?

Why does she seem to have it easier than I do?

The reality is that we are comparing our private struggles with someone else's public appearance.

We never really know what another woman is carrying. She may look youthful but be battling illness. She may appear confident while struggling with loneliness. She may seem carefree while grieving quietly inside.

Comparison only tells part of the story.

I've realised that my peace comes when I stop measuring myself against anyone else and instead measure my life against my own values.

Am I being kind?

Am I living with purpose?

Am I taking care of my body the best I can?

Am I spending time with people I love?

Am I finding joy in the everyday moments?

Those are the questions that matter.

If we can let go of the fear that fuels comparison, we create space for gratitude. We become more present. We notice what our bodies can still do instead of dwelling on what they can't. We celebrate the wisdom we've gained instead of mourning only what we've lost.

Midlife and beyond are not simply seasons of decline.

They are seasons of renewal.

They invite us to reflect on how we want to spend the years ahead. For many of us, there has never been a better time to pursue new dreams, deepen relationships, travel, volunteer, learn something new, or simply slow down enough to appreciate the beauty of everyday life.

Perhaps one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves is permission to stop comparing and start appreciating.

Reconnect with your strengths, your values, and the things that bring you genuine joy.

Protect the knowledge that your life has value and that your experiences, wisdom, and kindness make a difference in the lives of others.

Give your time and energy to the dreams that matter most to you—not because they make you look successful to others, but because they make your heart feel alive.

So, my beautiful Sole Sisters, as you ramble through your week, remember that we are all walking our own unique path. Some days it will feel effortless, and other days it will feel uphill. Both are part of the journey.

Choose gratitude over comparison whenever you can.

And above all else, be gentle with yourself. Your body has carried you through every chapter of your life. It deserves your compassion, your respect, and your love.