Jane Witherspoon is a Canadian expat adventurer, yoga instructor, and passionate rambler who recently relocated from Panama to Denia, Spain.
Why do so many of us struggle with accepting compliments but fully embrace any criticism lobbed at us? We take criticism, hold it close in our hearts and minds, turn it this way and that, and analyze it in minute detail repeatedly.
Many times, I will not remember a compliment that was given yesterday but still hold onto a harsh remark from twenty years ago. Why is that? Do we not see ourselves as worthy of praise? Is it born of humility or low self-esteem? Possibly.
The most powerful voice is that one inside our head, and if we are not kind and loving towards ourselves, it doesn't matter what anyone else says to us. We struggle with accepting and receiving a compliment, feeling uncomfortable, and unsure how to respond to the praise.
Almost a decade ago now, I reinvented myself and took my Yoga Teacher Training. I have always been happy flying under the radar of notice, the quiet one in the corner looking uncomfortable and socially awkward. So, standing in front of a group of people and guiding them was terrifying for me.
Believing in my ability was my lesson through this journey. So, even after many years, when a student comes up to me and expresses how wonderful the class was and how it was just what they needed that day, I still struggle with accepting the compliment. With every compliment, I wonder, "How many didn't like the class?"
At first, when students didn't return after taking one of my classes, I would take it personally, believing they didn't like me. But I have come to understand that people come and go for various reasons. I put out the offering, and it will be accepted or won't. Another life lesson, Sole Sisters, is that you are not everybody's cup of tea, which is okay.
The easiest way to accept a compliment is to honestly believe that you deserve the praise. I know this is easier said than done, but we can look at a sincere compliment as a gift—a gift of praise for a wise choice, celebrating an accomplishment, or perhaps just for letting your unique light shine through.
We have to remember that others see us in a different light than we see ourselves without that internal self-doubt that we carry within us.
Let us start accepting the gift of kind words without denial or argument against them. Learn to look at that person and say, "Thank you."
We all have a desire to be acknowledged and seen. If we get comfortable accepting compliments from others, we will begin to get cozy with praising ourselves. Start celebrating your own large or small accomplishments or wins, and remember that you are worthy.
And so, my Sole Sisters, as you ramble out into your week, remember to embrace a compliment for what was intended: a gift of kind words from someone who sees your worth.
If you want to compliment a girl or woman,
compliment her on something she can control.
Reinforce that being hardworking, focused,
kind, creative, and generous matters. None of these
qualities require any particular body shape or hairstyle.
Tell her you notice how much effort she puts into the
things she cares about. Tell her that you enjoy spending
time with her because she is interesting. Tell her she inspires you, then explain why or how." ― Renee Engeln.
READ MORE > Jane's Mindful Musings, Rambler Cafe Blog
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