Being Non-Judgemental - Jane's Mindful Musings

Jane Witherspoon is a Canadian expat, adventurous spirit, and dedicated yoga instructor who now calls Dénia, Spain home. A passionate Rambler at heart, she embraces the richness of life in her new Mediterranean lifestyle.

How often do we catch ourselves making assumptions about someone before we know their story?

During one of our Sole Sister Ramblers founders' meetings, we found ourselves exploring what "no judgment" really means. As the conversation unfolded, we realised that defining judgment—and then committing to being non-judgmental—wasn't nearly as straightforward as we had imagined.

The truth is, as humans, we are wired to judge.

Long ago, judgment was essential for survival. It helped us quickly assess whether we were safe or in danger. Our brains instinctively sorted people, situations, and experiences into categories like safe or unsafe, friend or foe, helpful or harmful.

While we no longer face the same survival threats, that instinct hasn't disappeared. Instead, it has followed us into modern life, where our judgments are often directed at one another.

From the moment we are born, we are judged—first by our families, then by friends, teachers, employers, and eventually complete strangers. And if we're honest, we also judge others.

Being a woman adds another layer altogether. As we've often discussed within Sole Sister Ramblers, no matter what choices we make—or don't make—someone always seems ready to offer an opinion. Throughout history, women have been judged for how they look, how they parent, whether they work, whether they don't work, whether they marry, whether they don't, whether they have children, or choose not to. It can sometimes feel as though we simply can't win.

During our discussion, we asked one another a simple but powerful question:

"What do you feel you've been judged the most for?"

When I sat quietly with that question, my answer came immediately.

Just before my seventeenth birthday, I became a teenage mother.

I made the conscious decision not to have an abortion or place my baby for adoption. It wasn't an easy decision. I was young, frightened, and stepping into a future I couldn't possibly imagine. But I was also incredibly fortunate. My family surrounded both my daughter and me with unconditional love and unwavering support.

For the first two years of her life, we lived with my parents and siblings. Looking back, I realise just how fortunate I was. While many young mothers face those early years feeling isolated and overwhelmed, I was surrounded by people who loved us both unconditionally.

My daughter wasn't simply accepted—she was cherished. She was adored by her grandparents, aunties, and uncles, and from the moment she arrived. There was always someone ready with a cuddle, a helping hand, or words of encouragement when I questioned myself or felt exhausted.

The judgment came from outside our home.

Whenever I took my daughter out, I noticed the looks. Sometimes there were whispered comments. Other times, complete strangers felt entitled to tell me how to care for my baby or remind me that I was "far too young" to be a mother. Those experiences planted seeds of insecurity and self-doubt at a time when I was already navigating one of life's biggest challenges.

For many years, I carried resentment about those judgments.

Even today, when I mention that I have a forty-six-year-old daughter, I can often see people doing the maths in their heads. There is often a brief pause, a raised eyebrow, or a surprised look before the questions begin. Years ago, I would have felt the familiar sting of being judged. I would have wondered what they were thinking about me and whether they were making assumptions about the kind of young mother I must have been.

The difference now is that it no longer bothers me.

I've reached a place of peace that only time, life experience, and self-acceptance can bring. I no longer feel the need to explain or justify the choices I made as a frightened seventeen-year-old.

I know I was a loving and devoted mother. My children have always been my greatest joy and my proudest accomplishment. At the end of the day, the only opinions that truly matter are my own and my daughter's. Everyone else is seeing just one moment in my life without knowing the journey that came before it or followed.

Living through those experiences has also made me more aware of how easily we judge one another without knowing someone's story.

In today's world, that judgment can feel even more amplified. Social media, the isolation many experienced during the pandemic, and the uncertainty created by political division have all contributed to a culture where criticism often seems louder than kindness. It has become far too easy to sit behind a screen and make harsh assumptions or write hurtful words with little thought for the person receiving them.

I often wonder how different our conversations would be if we had to say those same words while looking someone in the eye.

Sadly, we are also seeing this lack of kindness spill into everyday life—in airports, restaurants, on our roads, and in countless public spaces where patience and compassion sometimes seem to be in short supply.

So how do we become less judgmental?

For me, it begins with mindfulness—simply becoming aware of the judgments that arise in my mind.

When I notice myself making a judgment about someone, I try to pause and become curious. Why am I thinking this? Is it based on fact, or am I making assumptions? Is this judgment rooted in fear, insecurity, envy, or simply misunderstanding?

More often than not, the answer tells me far more about myself than it does about the other person.

We also talked about how easy it is to fall into comparison. We can envy someone's success, appearance, confidence, or lifestyle without knowing the path they've walked to get there. We rarely see the heartache, sacrifices, disappointments, or resilience that lie beneath the surface.

Every person we meet is carrying a story we know nothing about.

One of the things I love most about our founders' meetings is that we're creating space for these deeper conversations—conversations that challenge us to think differently, grow together, and explore topics that matter. It's our hope that by sharing these reflections with you, they spark conversations within our wider Sole Sister Ramblers community too.

We are incredibly proud of the community we've built together. Sole Sister Ramblers has become a place where women can show up exactly as they are, share their stories, celebrate their joys, express their fears, and feel supported without fear of criticism or judgment.

That kind of space is rare.

It exists because of every one of you who chooses kindness, compassion, encouragement, and acceptance.

Thank you for making Sole Sister Ramblers the beautiful community it is.

And so, my beautiful Sole Sisters, as you ramble through your week, I invite you to pause before judging another person—or even yourself. Lead with curiosity instead of assumption, compassion instead of criticism, and remember that everyone you meet is carrying a story you cannot see.

Kindness costs nothing, but it has the power to change everything.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could be a little less judgmental and a little more forgiving of each other’s humanness?  We’re only here a short time. Let’s pay more attention to the good and not the bad in one another. - Patrick Fabin

Women tend to judge other women harshly. We should be kinder to each other, accept that we are all different and can make different choices. Not go for some type of stereotypical that we’re perfect. I’m not perfect. - Cherie Blair

READ MORE > Jane's Mindful Musings, The Rambler Cafe