Jane Witherspoon is a Canadian expat adventurer, yoga instructor and passionate rambler who recently relocated from Panama to Denia, Spain.
Last week in our Founders meeting we had a discussion on no judgment and what that means. During our exploration of what judgment is, we discovered that defining it and then committing to being non-judgmental was not as clear cut as we assumed it would be.
As humans, we are judgmental by nature. When survival was the only priority in life, it helped humans to survive. This ability helped them navigate potentially dangerous situations by evaluating and judging whether they were in danger. It allowed them to categorize things, people and situations into binaries, such as, good/bad, safe/dangerous, friend/foe.
Today, we navigate a different type of judgment. From the moment we are born we are judged first by family and then friends and even strangers, and in return we do the same. And then being a woman has a whole other elevated level of judgment attached to it, as we have often discussed on Sole Sisters. No matter what we do or don’t do it is dissected, evaluated and judged. This has been the norm for women throughout history.
In our meeting we asked each other, “what do you feel you have been judged the most on?” After sitting with this question, my answer is a life choice I made as a teenager.
Just before my 17th birthday I became a teenage mama. I made a deliberate choice not to have an abortion or give the baby up for adoption. This was not an easy choice, being young and scared, but I was blessed to have a family that loved and supported me.
My daughter and I lived with my parents and siblings for the first two years of her life. My family embraced her and they helped me create a safe home surrounded by love.
The judgment came from outside our household. Whenever I would take my daughter out, there were looks and comments. People would try to tell me how to care for my daughter, tell me I was too young to have a baby which created insecurity and anxiety.
Up until the last few years I would be resentful of it and to this day when I tell people I have a 43 year old I can see them calculating in their head. I am finally at peace with whatever people think of me. I know I was a devoted and loving mother whose life was her children, and the only opinion that matters is mine and my daughters.
With the rise of social media, a worldwide pandemic and political instability, society has become a toxic environment to navigate. It is easy to sit behind a keyboard and spew mean and hateful words of judgment.
There are no consequences associated with this behavior. Imagine if you had to repeat those thoughts and words to that person’s face. We are also hearing about more and more inappropriate behavior being exhibited by people on airplanes, in restaurants, cars and anywhere there are public gatherings.
So how do we find our way back to a kinder and less judgmental space? We can apply mindfulness when judgment arises by directing our thoughts being created as they arise. Observe them, question why you are feeling them and then let them go. Sometimes judgmental thoughts can arise due to fear or jealousy.
This was discussed in our meeting, that we can get caught up in jealousy of what others may have, accomplished, or how they choose to live their lives. We need to remember that we don’t know their story, what they may have gone through in their life journey to arrive where they are now.
Our conversation was part of an initiative we have created in order to have meaningful and in-depth discussions in our meetings on important and relevant topics to share with all of you.
We are proud of the joy-filled space Sole Sister Ramblers provides for members to share their thoughts, fears and joys without experiencing negative judgmental responses. This is a rare quality in an online community and we want to thank all of you for your kindness and support of one another.
And so my Sole Sisters, as you ramble out into your week, may you judge and be judged with a kinder heart.
Wouldn’t it be great if we could be a little less judgmental and a little more forgiving of each other’s humanness? We’re only here a short time. Let’s pay more attention to the good and not the bad in one another. - Patrick Fabin
Women tend to judge other women harshly. We should be kinder to each other, accept that we are all different and can make different choices. Not go for some type of stereotypical that we’re perfect. I’m not perfect. - Cherie Blair
READ MORE > Jane's Mindful Musings, The Rambler Cafe
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