Jane Witherspoon is a Canadian expat, adventurous spirit, and dedicated yoga instructor who now calls Dénia, Spain home. A passionate Rambler at heart, she embraces the richness of life in her new Mediterranean lifestyle.
Last week in our Sole Sister Ramblers founders meeting, we had a discussion about judgment and what “no judgment” really means. During our exploration, we discovered that defining judgment—and then committing to being non-judgmental—was not as clear-cut as we assumed it would be.
As humans, we are judgmental by nature. When survival was the only priority, judgment helped us navigate dangerous situations by evaluating whether we were at risk. It allowed us to categorize things, people, and situations into binaries such as good/bad, safe/dangerous, friend/foe.
Today, we navigate a very different type of judgment. From the moment we are born, we are judged—first by family, then by friends, and eventually by strangers—and in turn, we do the same to others. Being a woman adds another elevated layer of judgment, as we have often discussed in Sole Sisters. No matter what we do or don’t do, it is dissected, evaluated, and judged. This has been the norm for women throughout history.
In our meeting, we asked each other: “What do you feel you have been judged the most on?” After sitting with this question, I realized my answer is a life choice I made as a teenager.
Just before my 17th birthday, I became a teenage mama. I made a deliberate choice not to have an abortion or give the baby up for adoption. It was not an easy decision, being young and scared, but I was blessed with a family who loved and supported me.
My daughter and I lived with my parents and siblings for the first two years of her life. My family embraced her and helped me create a safe home filled with love.
The judgment came from outside our household. Whenever I took my daughter out, there were looks and comments. People would tell me how to care for her, or that I was too young to have a baby, which created insecurity and anxiety.
Up until the last few years, I felt resentful of this. Even now, when I tell people I have a 43-year-old, I can see them calculating in their heads. But I am finally at peace with whatever people think of me. I know I was a devoted and loving mother whose life was her children, and the only opinions that truly matter are mine and my daughter’s.
With the rise of social media, a worldwide pandemic, and political instability, society has become an increasingly toxic environment to navigate. It is easy to sit behind a keyboard and spew mean and hateful words of judgment.
There are rarely consequences for this behavior. Imagine if people had to repeat those thoughts and words face-to-face. We are also hearing more and more stories of inappropriate behavior in public spaces—on airplanes, in restaurants, in cars, anywhere people gather.
So how do we find our way back to a kinder, less judgmental space? We can apply mindfulness when judgment arises by noticing our thoughts as they come up, questioning why we feel them, and then letting them go. Sometimes judgmental thoughts are rooted in fear or jealousy.
We also discussed how easy it is to get caught up in envy—of what others have, what they’ve accomplished, or how they choose to live their lives. But we must remember we don’t know their story or what struggles they may have overcome to arrive where they are now.
Our conversation was part of an initiative we’ve created to have meaningful, in-depth discussions during our meetings on important and relevant topics to share with all of you.
We are proud of the joy-filled space Sole Sister Ramblers provides—where members can share their thoughts, fears, and joys without experiencing negative or judgmental responses. This is a rare quality in an online community, and we want to thank all of you for your kindness and support of one another.
And so, my Sole Sisters, as you Ramble out into your week, may you judge—and be judged—with a kinder heart.
Wouldn’t it be great if we could be a little less judgmental and a little more forgiving of each other’s humanness? We’re only here a short time. Let’s pay more attention to the good and not the bad in one another. - Patrick Fabin
Women tend to judge other women harshly. We should be kinder to each other, accept that we are all different and can make different choices. Not go for some type of stereotypical that we’re perfect. I’m not perfect. - Cherie Blair
READ MORE > Jane's Mindful Musings, The Rambler Cafe
Leave a comment