New Years is The Worst - JT's Tales from The Trail

Jill Thomas is a rambler, traveler, and storyteller with a big laugh who believes life takes her where she needs to go, no matter the roundabout path.

I’ve always thought that the fall would be a preferred time for a New Year to dawn in North America, while the world is awash in optimistic color and the young ones are starting a brand new school year.

Instead, the it arrives after weeks of sugar and booze-soaked gluttony and hyper-social angsty busyness. I mostly open my eyes on January first, regretting my foggy brain, over-laden garbage bins, and overstocked fridge.

Nonetheless, I'm a dedicated New Year's resolution maker. I've made resolutions every year since I learned to read and write. And, for as long as I can remember, getting thinner has occupied the preferred spot on the top of my resolution list. I'd like to say that I won’t resolve to lose weight this year, but that would be a bold-faced lie.

Some of the brighter humans I know have recognized the futility of this annual ritual in self-flagellation and decreed that they are not making New Year's resolutions. I hope they mean it. I'm cheering them on.

This year I am pondering my resolutions in a world awash in crazy - wars, climate change, insane and inane politics have many of feeling worried.

I also feel like the universe is delivering an overabundance of personal challenges right now. Or, is this just normal in middle age? We're older, so more people we know and love will likely become sick and die. And, our adult children are barrelling through the world, making good and bad choices just as we did.

I feel like I've reached the epicenter of middle age while the world is becoming weirder. I also feel a tiny bit vanquished by turbulent social change. It feels like the customs, norms and behaviors considered acceptable in the world I grew up in, are changing faster than I can keep up with. Is anyone else finding younger folks rolling their eyes at you when you get tongue-tied over pronouns?

I also feel grateful and privileged. I have good friends, a few good family members, economic security, and the education and skills to live with purpose. Whatever scary thing comes next is likely to negatively impact my loved ones and me less than others. However, alongside my gratitude, I feel an urge to constantly assauge my guilt for not suffering enough. It's a lot.

I think we haven't experienced this volume of social change in a compressed period since World War II. Social changes sparked by the pandemic, the climate crisis, Black Lives Matter, and so much more are monumental. I'm finding it tricky to navigate and feel unsure about how I can engage and help. Every time I attempt to get back to "normal life," something or someone bites me in the ass. Normal is dead, it seems. 

Last night I was watching a movie called Don't Look Up. In the film, a comet is about to destroy the earth, and through political machinations, an eccentric egomaniacal tech billionaire is the last hope for saving humankind. There is a pivotal moment when a concerned scientist asks the tech billionaire to allow scientists to peer review his plan for saving the planet, and the tech giant says; "You think I am just a businessman; this is the evolution of the human species. We have 40 million data points on you. I know who and what you are. My algorithms have determined eight fundamental consumer profile types. You are a LIFESTYLE IDEALIST. You think you are motivated by firm ethical beliefs, but you just run towards pleasure and away from pain."

I can't get this out of my head. I think I am a Lifestyle Idealist. Gawd.

This is the context in which I am contemplating my resolutions.

This year I have decided to use the word intention rather than resolution. I am not a Baha'i but am inspired by their teachings. They believe we all have an inner moral and spiritual compass and that this compass intuitively points to the best actions when we pay attention. So if we want to live a good life, we need to pay attention to our intentions.

I think this is a good starting point. Don’t get me wrong, I still hope that some miracle happens and I emerge from 2022 a few sizes smaller. A girl can always dream.