A Rom Com & Cat Indulgence - JT's Tales From the Trail

Jill Thomas is a Rambler, traveler, and storyteller with a big laugh who believes life takes her where she needs to go, no matter the roundabout path.

Today, while Rambling, I was feeling guilty for spending the entire day in bed yesterday watching romantic comedies I’ve already seen and eating popcorn. And that got me thinking about indulgence.

What is an indulgence? Ice cream for dinner? Skipping housework to go out with a friend? Buying new boots you absolutely do not need?

I tend to overindulge. I’ve always regarded it as one of my failings. So I think of indulgences as things I should do less of—habits to overcome. But are they?

We all know that occasionally giving in to our cravings helps us relax. What I didn’t know until recently is that indulging yourself can actually help you build good habits.

Researchers in the Netherlands recently published a paper on self-control and indulgence. They explored the dominant narrative that a happy life depends on putting long-term goals ahead of momentary pleasure. And they asked a brave question: is there such a thing as too much self-control?

The good news? Their research found that both hedonism and self-control contribute to our happiness in essential ways.

They defined hedonism as the ability to enjoy ourselves—specifically, the ability to experience pleasure without intrusive thoughts hijacking the moment. Hedonism is doing something you want to do and actually being there for it.

The happiest people, they found, don’t worry about what they should be doing when they’re indulging. They have more fun because guilt isn’t sitting beside them on the couch eating their popcorn.

The study also found that enjoying yourself without guilt or distraction is just as crucial to happiness as self-control. They call this superpower your “hedonic capability”—your ability to enjoy pleasure without negative thoughts barging in. People with high hedonic capability have a greater sense of well-being and are less likely to struggle with depression and anxiety.

Now, happiness is rarely found in abandoning all self-control and spending every day in bed binge-watching outdated movies (even if they are excellent). And most of us have had a few regrettable over-indulgent moments.

The key, the researchers said, is understanding that self-indulgence and self-discipline are equals in the happiness equation. The pursuit of pleasure doesn’t have to compete with hard work and long-term goals. In fact, they complement each other.

Sounds easy. Of course, it’s not.

Reading a good book, eating decadent food, or spending time with friends won’t make us happier if we can’t stay present with it. And banishing those nagging “you should be” thoughts is no small task.

The authors didn’t solve the problem of intrusive thoughts, but this is where the broader psychology of self-regulation comes in. And, interestingly, it circles back to self-control.

It turns out that self-control is actually the key to healthy hedonistic capability. Being mindful of our indulgences—and gently redirecting that persistent negative self-talk while we’re doing something fun—is a form of self-control.

The more we practice guilt-free fun, the better we get at mindfulness. The more relaxed we become. And then something fascinating happens: the better we get at mindfulness, the more present we are in everything we do. Which makes us better at both enjoying pleasure and managing our impulses.

It turns out mindfulness and self-control are the keys to enjoying indulgence—and they are essential for happiness.

Intriguing, right?

Tell us about your favorite ways to indulge in the comments. 

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